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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story June 29, 2007
 
X YEARS WASTED
A Decade In Exile
 
Page 5 of 7
 

6.THE LATVIAN WHORES. 2006. Abram Magomedov's debut in the Whore-R Stories column was a transcript of these two spunky EU whores, including one who kept talking dirty to her "Santa" john, asking for her present from him.

7."HAMSTER IN STEREO" GIRL. 2000. Ames met two whores in Petersburg in 2000 who offered to give him "stereo." Unfortunately one of the girls was denied entrance into the Nevsky Palace Hotel, so Ames only got one speaker's worth, but oh, what a woofer it had!

8.WANA. 2001. Korean whore who was Ames' first American experience. Noted phrase she repeated to him: "Why you no har'? You no har'!"

9.THE (ALMOST) NINE WHORES IN NINE HOURS. 2006. Last year's anniversary issue had no lead article prepared 24 hours before going to bed. So Ames celebrated by trying to do 9 whores in 9 hours. He lasted with the help of erectile dysfunction pills and tantra whore-sex, but by the sixth whore, he cried "uncle!"

10.ALYONA. 2002. We paid a whore from Moldova to play strip chess against a whiz. She lost.

Funniest Deaths

1.ANATOLY SOBCHAK. In 1999, we got a hold of former St. Petersburg Mayor Anatoly Sobchak's cell phone number, and called him pretending we were People Magazine and we wanted to put him on a "Sexiest Politicians" calendar. He loved the idea. A few months later, he died of a heart attack - rumor had it that he had popped a Viagra and died in a working woman's clutches. And yes, he was Ksenia's father.

2.JOHNNY CHEN. No one exemplified Yeltsin-era Expat Excess like our first club reviewer, Johnny Chen, the Asian-American nerd-turned-hedonist. A few years ago, Chen died of complications related to pneumonia. Go figure.

3.THE RUSSIA JOURNAL/ LIFESTYLE. Two months after the financial crisis wiped out businesses and the expat community, a strange English-language paper appeared, The Russia Journal. Rumor had it that it was a Pavlovsky project. So the eXile recruited a mole to tell us the upcoming issue's contents, which we published in our paper before their articles appeared. The Journal's publisher, Ajay Goyal, flipped out, stormed into our office and scared our wig-toting cleaning lady. He also had the wrong employee detained by the police.

4.THE OLIGARCHY. Well, they're not exactly dead, but they ain't what they used to be. Of the Original Seven who ruled Yeltsin's Kremlin, only Mikhail Fridman and Vladimir Potanin are still around. And yet Russia still has one of the worst wealth distributions of any nations around. We' ve come a long way, baby.

5.THE NEOLIBERAL DREAM. In the 1990s, it seemed that Russia's transformation into a cubicle-friendly colony of America was inevitable. Then Russia got wise, oil got expensive, and America got stupid.

6.BORIS YELTSIN. The funniest thing about Yeltsin's death wasn't that he actually, finally died, no matter how many times we called for his death to finally happen - it was that once he was finally dead and lying in wake, for the first time ever, he actually carried himself with dignity, and seemed almost human.

7.RONALD REAGAN. In the summer of 2004, America started to suffer a massive mental breakdown due to the dissonance between the awful reality in Iraq, and the cheerful fantasy that they wanted to believe. Ronald Reagan saved them from that news by dying, leading to a week-long Stalin-like 24-hour televised mourning, in which a mean-hearted, foolish old bastard was transformed into Jesus Christ.

8.CORPORATE TRANSPARENCY. In 2003, Yukos took the bold step of offering some genuine, unheard-of corporate transparency, revealing its shareholder structure and the billionaires behind it. Then the billionaires got tossed into jail, the company got junked, and the Catchphrase of The Week switched to "IPO." Which made everyone a shitload more money.


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FROM THE VAULT

Cock Killer :
Bar Dak
The National: The eXile Interview :
Moron 5
In The Winner's Circle: Reader Responses To Adam Levine's Legal Threats :

The Road to Perdition: America 2000 - 2005 :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
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Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
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eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
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Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
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Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

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