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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
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Unfiled August 10, 2007
An Appeal To Our Readers

On July 31, the Moscow Times published a shocking news stub reporting that Safari Lodge, a popular gentlemen's club and longtime eXile advertiser, was raided by police on suspicion of engaging in the illicit prostitution business. According to the article, Moscow police arrested Safari's deputy director, a man of Turkish nationality, for organizing a "prostitution den" on the premises of the Safari Lodge. It was alleged that he offered clients what the MT vaguely referred to as, "services of a sexual nature."

Like many of you, we at The eXile were saddened and dismayed by the allegations. We hope it is not true. Like you, we have been to Safari club many times, and never once did we personally witness this alleged "prostitution den." We went there for the food, the drinks, and the dancing, which was like ballet, only with a chrome pole.

The point is that we should not jump to conclusions. There are many possible explanations for what was really going on in there. Perhaps the money was being exchanged for smiles, since everyone knows that smiles are not free at the Safari Lodge and like-minded clubs. If two consenting adults happened to have sex at around the same time as smiles were purchased, and money was exchanged, then clearly the money was payment for the smiles, while the sex itself was free and a product of mutual love, affection and respect.

This raises an important question: If we're going to start running around banning people from purchasing smiles at around the same time as two consenting adults copulate, then what's next? Banning sex itself? It's time for Big Government to get off of our backs - especially if our backs are sweaty, bare, and hairy.

Or maybe it wasn't sex at all. Perhaps every night, dozens of customers would lose their keys. So what looked like sex could in fact have been two people looking for a set of lost keys or a lost earring - or both. There is no way to be sure. Can YOU be sure?

As to why people must be naked while searching for these lost items, one could counter, why are you wearing your clothes while reading this editorial? Maybe you are the real pervert. And if you are a pervert, then who will guard the perverts? Answer: We, The eXile.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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