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 For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog
 The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog
 A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog
 If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
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Gary Brecher140 ARTICLES
 May 28, 2008 War Nerd Summer Reading Guide The War Nerd
It’s summer, you’ve got a little more time off, so you can read up on war instead of trying to live in whatever boring suburb you live in. Lawns, neighbors, dogs, kids—it all sucks and the best thing you can do is get as far out of it as you can.
 May 15, 2008 From Lebanon To Iraq: We’re In Deep Shia Now The War Nerd
OK, we’ve just gone through a really exciting time in world military moves, so let’s test your strategic IQ. What’s the relation between these three Shia developments...
 May 4, 2008 Russia's Other Great Victory The War Nerd
For this special Victory Day column, the War Nerd takes a look at Russia's other epic victory in World War Two...
 April 16, 2008 Tibet: Five to One Against The War Nerd
Writing a column on the military history of Tibet seemed like a good idea before I started actually trying to research it. Some of the stuff on Tibetan military history is just so damn weird it made me feel like that scene in <i>Ghostbusters</i> where Rick Moranis gets possessed by some ancient demon...
 April 2, 2008 Who Won Iraq's "Decisive" Battle? The War Nerd
What happened in Iraq this week was a beautiful lesson in the weird laws of guerrilla warfare. Unfortunately, it was the Americans who got schooled.
 March 24, 2008 The Comoros Coup Factory: Vive le Bob! The War Nerd
It's time for something a little lighter, and nothing cheers me up like a tiny African state whose main export is coups. And so we set sail for the glorious Comoros Islands off the coast of East Africa...
 March 7, 2008 Kosovo: The Brave Tribes Are Doomed The War Nerd
The War Nerd talks about the glorious battle that started this whole Serbia/Kosovo thing way back 1389. Yep, that's more than 600 years ago. Ain't history fun?
 February 9, 2008 Not Your Usual High-IQ Suicide Bombers, Huh? The War Nerd
When I heard the story about two female retards being fitted up with suicide bombs and sent to visit the Baghdad pet market, I had to laugh. Who's directing this war—Mel Brooks?
 January 28, 2008 Take America’s Navy Battle Group…Please! The War Nerd
The War Nerd talks about war games. In particular, about how a couple of plastic Islamic speedboats managed to scare the hell out of multi-billion dollar US Navy battle group.
 November 19, 2007 Da Kurds: Boo Hoo Who? The War Nerd
A lot of grumpy readers wanted a column on the Kurdish-Turkish skirmishes in Northern Iraq. Well, here it is.
 November 5, 2007 Burn, Malibu, Burn! The War Nerd
By the time you finish this column you will be able to destroy huge buildings, kill hundreds of people in a few minutes, and strike terror into your enemies. And all you need is stuff that I guarantee you already have around the house.
 September 21, 2007 Lebanese Democracy: One Man, One Boom The War Nerd
Once you know the name of the Lebanese politician who got flame-broiled the other day, you ought to be able to tell me who did it and why—if you've been keeping up with your homework. Clue: his first name was Antoine—full name Antoine Ghanim.
 September 7, 2007 WAR NERD: Kamikaze Math The War Nerd
The War Nerd on why one plane for one ship was always a sane trade. Plus
other lessons from Tojo's air force.
 August 24, 2007 RPG vs. M1 The War Nerd
A special treat for Warn Nerd fanatics. We're happy to reintroduce the lost RPG vs. M1 article that all of you keep nagging us about. Read on as Brecher answers: what happens when an RPG-7 goes up against our MBT, the M1 Abrams?
July 27, 2007 Sikh To Death The War Nerd
Who are the coolest, hairiest, I-wanna-die-iest warriors on planet earth? The War Nerd sends a love letter straight from his heart...
June 29, 2007 Om Der Man! The War Nerd
Last week in the office somebody was saying, "If only we could get all these terrorists in one place and just drop a daisy cutter on them
June 1, 2007 No Paper Tigers The War Nerd
The War Nerd takes a break from Iraq to look at one of his favorite conflicts, the civil war in Sri Lanka...
May 4, 2007 Who Won Iraq? The War Nerd
Indignant Republicans shamed US Senator Harry Ried by pretending to ask, "If we lost Iraq, then who won?" The War Nerd answers that question for them...
March 23, 2007 Triumph Of The Vile The War Nerd
The War Nerd takes apart the latest piece of war propaganda coming out of Hollywood. Find out why the blockbuster film 300 is not only awful history, but also a nauseating display of American idiocy.
March 6, 2007 If It Ain’t Fixed, Break It All Up The War Nerd
The War Nerd examines the possibility that Cheney and Co. have decided to push for a bloody redrawing of the entire Middle East along sectarian lines. It ain't a pretty picture, but what else is new.
February 23, 2007 The Modocs: A Beautiful Little War The War Nerd
The War Nerd takes a look at the obscure tale of how Northern California's Indians were wiped out, and how one tribe decided to fight back. As he explains, it's the only antidote to depressing Bush-era war news.
February 8, 2007 The Fog Of Najaf The War Nerd
There was something fishy about the story of the supposed mixed-Muslim cult that American forces cuisinarted outside of Najaf. The War Nerd peers into the fog of war...
January 26, 2007 How To Steele A Promotion The War Nerd
If you want to know what's really wrong with the American Armed Forces, and why "The Surge" is doomed to fail, then look no further than the sordid case of Colonel Mike Steele. He of Blackhawk Down fame. Or rather, infamy.
January 26, 2007 Saddam Died Beautiful The War Nerd
FRESNO -- A lot of office boys like to talk about "old school." I'll tell you who was old school: Saddam
December 29, 2006 Your Xmas War-Gift The War Nerd
The War Nerd serves up a very special X-Mas column in honor of the highly-underrated and misunderstood Finns, who managed to hold off a massive Soviet invasion 67 years ago.
December 29, 2006 Saddam Died Beautiful The War Nerd
War Nerd Alert! Gary Brecher posts a special between-issues eulogy to Saddam Hussein...read why!...
December 15, 2006 Why I Hate WW II The War Nerd
War Nerd Gary Brecher declares war on the most overrated, over-filmed, and lamest war in history: World War Two. Why does he hate it? Because it's made morons of all of you.
December 1, 2006 Somalia: Me So Horn-y The War Nerd
Peace in Somalia? It's a War Nerd's nightmare. Yet as Gary Brecher's analysis shows, the peace won't last for long...
November 17, 2006 How To Win In Iraq The War Nerd
Now that we know that the old rules don't apply to modern warfare, it's time to take a cold look at the only possible paths to victory in a place like Iraq. However, most readers won't like what they read.
November 3, 2006 The Doctrine of Asymmetrical War The War Nerd
The War Nerd offers readers a bullet-point summary on one of his most valuable lessons to mankind: everything you know about war is wrong.
October 20, 2006 Dime and Dimer The War Nerd
A strange and secret new Israeli weapon, DIME, says more about the Israelis' fading martial glory than anything else...
October 6, 2006 Venezuela: Enchilada of Evil The War Nerd
What's really behind Hugo Chavez's $3 billion arms spending spree? As the War Nerd shows, it ain't got nuttin' to do with fighting the Yanquis...
September 22, 2006 Afghanistan: Let 'Em Eat Hams The War Nerd
Wait, now Afghanistan is fucked too? Yeah, well whattaya expect when your President suffers from a massive case of AADD, and your soldiers all act as though they're on American Idol...thus saith the War Nerd...
September 8, 2006 Sri Lanka: The Big Hate Mo' The War Nerd
The War Nerd explains why the Sri Lankan Civil War didn't "reignite," but rather, "resumed from where it left off"...
August 25, 2006 Gophers by TKO: Lessons from Lebanon The War Nerd
The War Nerd returns in this special column to remind everyone that he was right about the Israel-Hezbollah war, and what lessons we can draw from it...Read on to watch the War Nerd do his dirty chicken victory dance in the smoldering end zone of death!..
August 11, 2006 A Hezbollah Upon All of Thee! The War Nerd
Yes folks, even War Nerds get to take out time from the armchair battle for a little R&R...so this is the same column WN sent us on July 23rd. We're keeping it posted to remind you once again that, as always, THE WAR NERD WAS RIGHT!
August 11, 2006 Gophers by TKO: Lessons from Lebanon The War Nerd
The War Nerd returns in this special column to remind everyone that he was right about the Israel-Hezbollah war, and what lessons we can draw from it...Read on to watch the War Nerd do his dirty chicken victory dance in the smoldering end zone of death!..
July 28, 2006 A Hezbollah Upon All of Thee! The War Nerd
The War Nerd lays out what everyone knows: Hezbollah is the coolest army on earth, and the Israelis ain't all that...
July 15, 2006 The War Nerd The War Nerd
America's Problem: No Dong
June 2, 2006 Massacres, Babies and Nukes The War Nerd
Is Haditha really such a big deal? The War Nerd explains why pasty old Americans like John Murtha are more upset about it than most Iraqis are...
May 19, 2006 Mexican Military Might! The War Nerd
Arriba! Arriba! El War Nerdo is back, and he's got a fun take on Mexican-American relations...
April 21, 2006 Fighting Terror With Kleenex The War Nerd
The War Nerd looks at the Moussaoui trial, and buries his head in shame as America squirts itself silly over a few dead people...
March 7, 2006 Women at War & in Drag The War Nerd
A very special International Women's Day look at the fairer sex and war...
February 10, 2006 Arise, Ye Danes! The War Nerd
The War Nerd laments the decline of the ever-apologetic Danes, and calls on them to remember their once-glorious past...
January 27, 2006 2006 War Preview The War Nerd
The War Nerd salivates over the one thing tastier than another box of Milk Duds: yup, that's right, war in Africa!
December 15, 2005 The Japanese Red Army The War Nerd
The War Nerd turns Japanese-a in this homage to some of the coolest modern War loonies...
December 2, 2005 The 90s: We Watched the Wrong Wars The War Nerd
The War Nerd looks back on the 90s, a time when we missed all the cool wars, and got all huffy about pissant "wars"...
November 18, 2005 Happy 100th to an Unloved War The War Nerd
The War Nerd looks back at an underappreciated war, the Russo-Japanese War of 1904-5, on this special heartwarming 100 year anniversary...
November 4, 2005 IEDs: The Lazy Man's Insurgency The War Nerd
The War Nerd is back with a look at the evolution of the insurgents' favorite weapon, IED's...
September 23, 2005 Less is Mauritania The War Nerd
The War Nerd returns from his brief internal eXile to give us the lowdown on last summer's hottest little coup...
August 26, 2005 American Nationalism The War Nerd
The War Nerd responds to the zillions of nerd-mails he received following his last column, and explains how American nationalism got hijacked by the loonies and morons...
June 17, 2005 Putin’s Congo Roast The War Nerd
Vladimir Putin has jumped into the middle of the Dark Continent's darkest secrets. It happened at a photo op in
June 3, 2005 Mister Big Unplugged The War Nerd
The more I hear about how Zarqawi's behind all the trouble in Iraq, the more it reminds me of a bad cop movie.
May 20, 2005 Iraq: Guerrilla Evolution The War Nerd
The War Nerd explains the evolving tactics of the Iraqi insurgency, and why it all makes such bloody sense...
April 22, 2005 Glory to the Turks! The War Nerd
The War Nerd takes a look at one of his favorite warrior peoples, the Turks, and laments how America turned them against us...
April 8, 2005 A Sea of Rusting Tanks The War Nerd
The War Nerd looks back at the Cold War with retired Soviet General Burlakov, and waxes nostalgic on all those wonderful tanks that were never used...
March 25, 2005 Lebanon II The War Nerd
The War Nerd follows up with a brief history of Lebanon Part II: This issue, Hezbollah, baby!
February 25, 2005 Lebanon The War Nerd
January 27, 2005 Super War Preview The War Nerd
What will the upcoming Iran-US war look like? The War Nerd analyzes both teams as they gear up for a good ol' fashoined blood-bath...
November 13, 2004 Iraq The War Nerd
October 1, 2004 Dying for A Job with the ING The War Nerd
Guess how many Iraqi National Guard troops have been killed in the war. Whatever your guess was, you mig
September 17, 2004 Beslan: The Sick Sense The War Nerd
Everybody's calling it "senseless," the Chechen raid on Beslan in North Ossetia. Well, the sad thing is, it
September 4, 2004 Shi'ite! Holy Shi'ite! The War Nerd
We've been fighting the Shi'ites for months now, and nobody seems to want to ask: who are these loonies, anyway?
June 24, 2004 Torture & Truth The War Nerd
To understand why torture is so fundamental to CI warfare, you have to remember that in guerrilla wars there are no battles, there are just ambushes
May 27, 2004 Darfur: A Whole New Hell The War Nerd
This time it's Darfur, in Western Sudan -- a whole new front in the multi-war hell-on-Earth that goes by the name of "Sudan."
May 13, 2004 RPG vs. M1 The War Nerd
What happens when an RPG-7 goes up against our MBT, the M1 Abrams?
April 29, 2004 Most Valuable Weapon: the RPG The War Nerd
If you look at all the real wars going on right now, you come across the same two weapons, over and over: the AK-47 and the RPG-7
April 16, 2004 It's Not Nam, But It'll Do The War Nerd
I tried making a little fridge list of Iraq options. I came up with one: "nukes?"...
April 5, 2004 Qadafi: Buckles, Size XXXL The War Nerd
There are parts of the world that should be declared Zones of Total Bullshit. Take Libya...
April 1, 2004 War Nerd vs. the World The War Nerd
This was the week I decided I'm the last real American alive. Let's start with the Pakistani Army's Al-Qaeda hunt...
March 18, 2004 Basques My Ass! The War Nerd
The ETA is a good example of what I call "boutique terrorism." It's the kind of war where the rebels kill a few carefully-picked people a year...
March 4, 2004 Haiti 2: the Rerun The War Nerd
Haitian history just won't stop happening. Between that last column and this one, president was booted out...
February 19, 2004 A Special War Nerd The War Nerd
All you guys who wrote me nyah-nyah emails about how Saddam's capture had broken the back of the Iraqi rebels were proved wrong.
February 19, 2004 The Big Hate The War Nerd
Haiti is like the big slaughterhouse across the tracks: you kind of know what goes on in there, but you'd rather not think about it.
December 25, 2003 The 2003 Claymore Awards: Thank You, God The War Nerd
So here are my awards for 2003. I guess I have to come up with a name for them, like the Oscar or the Emmy, so we’ll call them the Claymores.
December 12, 2003 A Body-Count Xmas The War Nerd
The news from Iraq has been getting me down. It’s not what you’re probably thinking—the US casualties.
November 25, 2003 Burundi: Heightism Rears Its Ugly Head The War Nerd
They signed a “peace accord” on Burundi. I guess it makes some people feel better, but it doesn’t accomplish anything else...
November 13, 2003 The War Nobody Watched The War Nerd
The reason we ignored this war was simple: nobody in America could stand even thinking about Iran...
October 28, 2003 Ukraine vs.Russia: Get Off My Mudflat! The War Nerd
Here's the latest phony war, this big bluff between Russia and Ukraine over a little island-more like a mudflat—in the Black Sea...
October 2, 2003 The French The War Nerd
Over the past thousand years, the French have the most glorious military history in Europe, maybe the world...
September 18, 2003 Albania: Great and Greater The War Nerd
There’s been a lot of buzz lately about a new Albanian guerrilla army, the Albanian National Army or AKSh...
September 4, 2003 Corsica: Beware of Scooters The War Nerd
Corsica’s just a little island between France and Italy, but it did produce one guy who was pretty good at war...
August 24, 2003 You Pussies! The War Nerd
First you jump around like Alabama cheerleaders for a war in Iraq, then you turn chickenshit once we lose a few soldiers in the occupation...
July 24, 2003 Shining Path - the Comeback Tour The War Nerd
Something kind of surprising happened in Peru last week. An army patrol was ambushed by Shining Path guerrillas...
July 10, 2003 Iraq: the “Duh!” Theory The War Nerd
Most of the emails go like: “Why are they shooting at us? We liberated them!”...
June 12, 2003 Please Don’t Eat the Pygmies The War Nerd
It was a big week for readers sending me hot tips on the kind of little stories that make war interesting...
May 29, 2003 Aceh vs. the Borg The War Nerd
We’ve got a hot war going, though it’s in another tropical hellhole...
May 20, 2003 Burma: They Ain’t Like Us The War Nerd
Burma is one of these multi-ethnic places, and that usually means trouble: the war as a permanent fact of life
May 3, 2003 Syria: Plenty of Nuthin' The War Nerd
Meanwhile I’ve been checking out the Syrian Army, because Syria’s being set up as the next target...
April 17, 2003 Lynch Mobs and Apaches The War Nerd
Fact is, the US really WAS stalled out on the road to Baghdad by the end of that first week...
April 6, 2003 Down We Go! The War Nerd
I'll start by saying what Bush and Rumsfeld won't: "I was wrong." It still blows me away that our brilliant leaders managed to turn Saddam's Army into an effective military force...
March 3, 2003 Congo: The War without Battles The War Nerd
Writing up the Congo is like dying: you have to deal with it sooner or later, but you’re not looking forward to it....
January 22, 2003 Iraq: The Phoney War Continues The War Nerd
Nobody on CNN ever seems to ask: "How come America isn't ready to take on after six months of "urgent preparations"?
December 25, 2002 Live from the Skeleton Coast The War Nerd
I got a couple of letters asking me to talk about the war in the Ivory Coast, so I’ll give that a try here.
December 11, 2002 U Sank My Carrier! The War Nerd
When kids play war, they end up spending less time shooting than arguing. It just gets worse the bigger the kids...
October 31, 2002 The Big Show The War Nerd
Recent hostage-taking dramas in a historical perspective
October 17, 2002 The War-Se, The Better The War Nerd
It was a week for do-it-yourselfers in the war world. A little lesson for us all, that all you need is hunting rifles, blasting caps, and trucks full of fertilizer.
October 2, 2002 It's D-Day In Zalambessa The War Nerd
In the Horn, war is normal and comes all sizes from family stabbings, to clan vs. clan war like Somalia, to total war between nation-states.
September 6, 2002 Make America Roman The War Nerd
Last column I asked readers to suggest wars that’d be more fun for the US to get involved in than Colombia...
July 26, 2002 Spain vs. Morocco: Two Muppets Du Iwo Jima The War Nerd
This year’s Oscar for best military comedy has to go to the island-claiming “war" between those great military powers, Spain and Morocco. Just imagine the battle of Iwo Jima turned into a Muppet movie.
June 28, 2002 What's a Chechen? The War Nerd
Maybe you don’t realize it over in Moscow, but nobody in the US cares about Chechnya. Maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time writing about it.
June 26, 2002 Onward Christian Soldiers The War Nerd
Learn about The Lord's Resistance Army of Uganda - the greatest Christian killers and the funniest army on the planet.
May 29, 2002 Fag vs. Fag: the India-Pakistan Phoney War The War Nerd
Will India and Pakistan ever finish the cat-fight and get on with a real war? Don’t hold your breath. They’ll probably wipe each other out someday, but till then it’s just going to be dead cows and villagers.
May 16, 2002 Tom Clancy Is Not One of Us The War Nerd
My first fan letter from the eXile was an email from some guy in Michigan who wanted the latest news on Tom Clancy. Yeah sure, that’s why I’m here — to help you kiss that rich fat coward’s ass...
May 1, 2002 Israelis On Wheels! The War Nerd
The eXile War Nerd is back and he's through fucking around! "Ever seen a Monster Truck show?" he snarles, spitting olestra-based Lay's potato chips onto his keyboard. "The thrill is watching civilian cars crushed by giant 4x4’s. But that's nothing compare
April 21, 2002 Meet The War Nerd The War Nerd
Ames asked me to write a column on how all the wars are going, kind of a war reviewer.
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headline
Dyev's Diary By Lyolya Androsova
blurb
Pourquoi L'Exile
Feature Story By eXile Staff
The time has come for the eXile to shake off its decrepit English-language shackles and appear in glorious French—just in time for Bastille Day! Editor Matt Taibbi and Special Guest Translator Thierry Marignac explain why...
Le nouvel ennemi
Unfiled By Kevin McElwee
The Sociopath examines the gradual transformation of the traditional American image of the average Frenchman from impossibly snobbish buffoon to an anti-market saboteur who is nothing short of the inheritor of the rank of the Soviet Union's as the United
La manière de
Sports Section
The Paris Bureau of the eXile Sports Desk looks into the recent "triumphs" of the French soccer team and the fate of "doping" at the Tour de France...
Razzia sur la shnouff
Kino Korner By Kevin McElwee
Krazy Kevin looks into the under-appreciated GoodFellas-influenced BLOW, while also finding a few spare moments to casually dismiss the idiotic MISS CONGENIALITY and ALONG CAME A SPIDER...
Liberté. Égalité. Opportunité.
Editorial
Forward-looking French businesses are primed and ready to storm the Bastille of the Russian market... just as their revolutionary counterparts did in Paris back in 1789......
Your Letters
[SIC!]
La Trique... Insult? Par Un Ane... Binoclard avec une collection de disques... Goyal sort du placard de napol?on... Retour de manivelle... Rarretelle... Connard monoglotte... Analphabete... Ivanise—vice... L’h?breu ex-sit?...
Cold Bullshit
Feature Story
The new Cold War smells like shit, tastes like shit, and, as our stool sample shows, makes us gag like shit...finally, proof that a billion flies are wrong.
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![[SIC!]](/upload/iblock/49e/13-3.jpg)
