|Vlad's Daily Gloat|
Vlad's Daily Gloat
For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
This hopped-up "Kopeika" Lada shows off its rubber-burning power to an awed provincial audience...
Why does this woman wear her shiner...
VLAD'S DAILY GLOAT
SPECIAL LATE "HAPPY" EDITION!
What a day great, fun today! This will make you laugh (unless you are American): last year, Bear Stearns, one of the pillars of the mighty American investment banking system, was named to Fortune magazine's list of America's "Most Admired" securities company. It won this distinction three years in a row, 2005-2007. We can really trust the American free media to tell us the truth, and we can be sure that Bear Stearns did not bribe Fortune for that ranking. How strange then that today, Bear Stearns is "Most Fucked" securities firm in the entire world. And most corrupt too, along with the corrupt American Central Bank.
But first I must explain why this blog is late, why I didn't blog today's "Collapsing American Economy Show" before I left the office earlier: 1). it was too much fun watching the panic develop, so I only wrote half of this blog at the office before stopping because 2). at office we had a birthday party, drinking some champagne with our colleagues. My colleagues are laughing and drinking and toasting the America's funny collapse even now while I finish this blog, they are waiting for me at a bar just in my neighborhood. In fact they told me to leave the bar and come home to write this and post it finally. The whole bar was in a merry mood and cheering. Before I left I said, "Dear Russian Citizens, the American banking system is collapsing! The empire is finished,! These American pederasts will not be fucking with our Russia for a long while!" Someone ordered B-52 cocktails for all the bar, and we drank them in celebration of our comrades who shot down many American B52s in Russian victory in Vietnam, it was really a funny time.
SWEET MEMORIES ABOUT TO BE RELIVED AGAIN
So back to the news today, it is obvious even to the typical American's retarded little mind what the message is: you are fucked, my friends! But since your media is so bad, I will quote you from the English newspaper The Telegraph to tell the bitter truth of American collapse:
You have to go back to the banking crisis of the Great Depression to find a moment when the financial system as a whol seemed so close to the precipice.
Losers, you're so fucked you do not even know what is coming! You think it's bad now, just because Bear Stearns has a cactus branch in your assholes? Ha! It's only a small taste, my friends. Get ready to sell your old clothes and trinkets outside of bus stations like our babushkas used to in the 1990s, because you are fucked now in a way you simply cannot imagine, you are fucked just like you fucked Russia 10 years ago!
[...]"We are now experiencing the first truly major crisis of financial globalisation," said the Swiss central bank governor Philipp Hildebrand this week.
"Never before have banks seen such destruction of their balance sheets in such a short time. Moreover, there are signs that the problems are spreading. The risk premiums on commercial property, consumer credit and corporate loans have risen sharply," he said.
Debt levels have been much higher than in the Roaring Twenties; the new-fangled tools of structured credit are more opaque: the $415 trillion nexus of derivative contracts is untested. Nobody knows for sure if the counter-parties are able to deliver on vast IOUs, or whether the construct is built on sand.
What keeps Federal Reserve officials turning at night is fear that the "financial accelerator" will now set off a vicious downward spiral. There is a risk of "very adverse economic outcomes," said Fed vice-chair Don Kohn.
Albert Edwards, global strategist at Societe Generale, said the toppling banks are merely a symptom of a deeper rot. "The banks are not the problem. Nor even the grotesquely leveraged funds. The problem is that an economic bubble financed by ridiculously loose monetary policy is unravelling," he said.
Everything about Bear Stearns collapse and bailout is a deja vu of collapse of Yeltsin-era banking system. Back then in the 1990s, American advisers created Russia's "market" system, and that ended in a total economic collapse in August of 1998. What is happening today in America is just a repeat. For example, the development this week of the Bear Stearns collapse reminds me so much of the same way Russian banks collapsed under American guidance in the 1990s. In Russia under Yeltsin, when a bank was close to collapse they always assured the public that everything was fine and they blamed "rumors" for causing problems; this week, the CEO of Bear Stearns and all the American journalists on Bear Stearns payroll blamed "rumors" and "irrational psychology" for causing a run on Bear Stearns' money during the week. The purpose of these lies is that it allows the insiders to cash out their money while the rest of the trusting American fools keep their money in, only to lose it later. Then after the insiders cash out, comes the supposed "panic" and "sudden" collapse, best to take place on a Friday of course. The "sudden collapse" and "panic" gives cover for the next even bigger transaction: the connected Bear Stearns banker calls the Central Bank Chief Bernanke, just as Khodorkovsky would call Dubinin or whoever was Central Bank chief then, and naturally Bernanke gives to Bear Stearns as many billions as the CEO asks for, and everyone thinks it's okay because the billions were necessary in this atmosphere of alleged "sudden panic," as if Bear Stearns and Bernanke had not been speaking to each other like phone sex addicts every day 24/7 the entire week. Reports Bloomberg:
The Fed is taking on the credit risk from collateral supplied by Bear Stearns, which approached the central bank for emergency funds, Fed staff officials said today.
Yes, you read that correctly. In the exact replay of Yeltsin-oligarchs' strategy to steal and steal, the Central Bank bailout money is not directly from the government to Bear Stearns, because that makes it harder to steal those billions. Instead, it is funneled through another well-connected bank, J.P. Morgan, so that those corrupt bankers can also take a nice cut in the deal ("otkat" it's called). Essentially the "bailout" is a massive bribe from corrupt Bush to corrupt J.P. Morgan, and in return JP Morgan will buy the ruins of Bear Stearns with the government money (minus what they steal). Meanwhile plenty of billions make sure that major Bear Stearns principles all cash out well.
The Fed, under Chairman Ben S. Bernanke, voted unanimously to lend the funds through JPMorgan because it would be operationally simpler than a direct loan to Bear Stearns, the staff said on condition of anonymity. The regulator invoked a little-used law that allows it to make loans to corporations and private partnerships, which required a Board vote, according to the staffers.
Here comes the funny part. How does "free speech" America hide this outright corruption and thieving from the population? Let a Russian explain to your naive innocent little American eyes: stop all this bullshit about "transparency" because it is no longer convenient:
The senior [Central Bank] staffers declined to describe how large the loan to Bear Stearns was, and declined to say whether a private- sector bailout was attempted before the Fed extended credit through JPMorgan.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW MANY BILLIONS THE U.S. GOVERNMENT JUST GAVE TO BEAR STEARNS, AND HOW MANY MORE BILLIONS WILL FOLLOW. The ghost of Yeltsin lives in the Federal Reserve! We don't know anything, and we didn't know it was even legal, because American government and banks exploited "obscure never used" laws to justify outright corruption and fraud, according to Wall Street Journal:
The arrangement employs a little-used Depression-era provision of the Federal Reserve Act.
It is sad to see Americans imitating the very worst Russians 10 years late, what incredible fucking losers you are! And meanwhile the American masses have no fucking idea, free press or no free press, they just stand around like retarded jackasses with a sign on their backs that reads "ASS-FUCK ME", because they trust their leaders. Americans don't know anything about Iraq anymore except that they're winning, they don't know hundreds of billions being stolen in front of their fat stupid faces, they don't know anything except where to find a bargain on hamburger buns. I almost cannot blame Bush and the bankers for stealing from American fools, it's just too easy! Let the bloodthirsty corrupt elite steal from the bloodthirsty retarded masses, it will hasten the final collapse of this cruel and shameful empire called "America."
Meanwhile, U.S. dollar is now for the first time in history worth less than a Swiss Franc, while the dollar fell to new lows against Euro, Yen, Ruble. The New York stock market fell another 200 points, another $195 billion of American wealth disappeared, more billions are going into the Iraq Surge, and housing prices continue to collapse:
The median price in a six-county area of Southern California fell to $408,000 -- the lowest level since October 2004, when it was $402,500.
All that just in a day! Thank you God, thank you!
Okay, so today enough about a nation of losers. Now let us consider a happier story today about a nation of winners. The Russian stock market didn't even sneeze today, but instead modestly rose, near all-time record highs, proof that America is already irrelevant. Today we learned that Russia's January's foreign trade surplus jumped a record 86% from 2007. A "trade surplus" for you American dumbfucks who only know words "debt" and "deficit", the word trade "surplus" means more money coming into Russia than leaves. You would not understand it though, too complicated for American debt-brained fuckers.
No, Americans have no fucking idea what is happening to them. We Russians were not such trusting dumbshits, even against all odds, we did understand when it happened to us in the 1990s. We are not trusting dumbshits Americans. We fought but we were too weak to fight against Yeltsin regime, supported with hundreds of billions of American "loan" money, sophisticated propaganda which we still didn't understand, and guns. Do not forget that the entire Yeltsin economy, including the notorious corrupt banking system, was forced upon us by United States government and the American investment bank advisers who were seated inside the Russian government at all times. That is why today's American banking collapse is so easy to understand for Russians. Russians tried as early as in 1993 to stop the vicious Yeltsin/American "shock therapy" economics that turned a proud nation into desperate paupers. I remember the dark time because even though I was just a student in 1993, my family suffered through this years together. First we lost all savings, and first my grandfather and then two uncles died quickly and brutally. Our democratically elected parliament tried to stop Yeltsin "shock therapy" and throw out American "free market advisers" to save what was left. Americans and Yeltsin decided democracy was not good anymore so Yeltsin, the democrat, ordered tanks to attack the opposition parliament in 1993. He killed several hundred brave Russian patriots, who died fighting against this corrupt ruinous American "shock therapy" economics. We were crushed with tanks, you see. Naturally President Clinton immediately supported Yeltsin, showing who was the real master of that putsch against Russian democracy. It meant something that Clinton immediately gave his support to Yeltsin. It was like a wartime defeat. I can tell you, back then we were in such awe of America, we had no choice but to accept defeat, it was hopeless. We lost the power to stop banks and government from stealing every last part of Russia, until the final collapse in 1998.
It took tanks to keep Russians down while they robbed the country. Tanks, and American money.
What is your excuse today, Americans? There are no tanks, no Russian interference to destroy you and demoralize you. Why do you let your leaders steal everything your country has? Why do you sit passively like slaves who mated with sheep, the sheep-slaves with a big stupid smile on your fat fucking faces? You are not even human beings, you deserve worse than a total collapse of you country, you deserve to be wiped off the face of this planet forever, as if you were just an embarrassing accident and it will never happen again, you sickening pussy sub-human dumbfucks!
Oh fuck, now ruined my good mood. I need to run back to my friends now to celebrate your collapse. There will be time for bitter memories of the 1990s.
Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
War Nerd Summer Reading Guide
It’s summer, you’ve got a little more time off, so you can read up on war instead of trying to live in whatever boring suburb you live in. Lawns, neighbors, dogs, kids—it all sucks and the best thing you can do is get as far out of it as you can.