|Vlad's Daily Gloat|
Vlad's Daily Gloat
For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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VLAD'S DAILY GLOAT
It was supposed to be a big news story the other day that British scientists created genetically-engineered human-cow embryos. That's funny, I thought I already seen human cows all over United States of America. I call them "Americows." Fattest dumbest fuckers on planet earth. Take a look at some Americows:
PROUD AMERICOW THINKS THAT BY POKING FUN AT HIMSELF, PEOPLE WILL FORGET ABOUT WHAT A FAT DUMB FUCK HE IS
Like four-legged cows, the two-legged Americow doesn't see any problems with his situation. Just sits on his fucking ass all day.
THIS AMERICOW LOOKS AT THE OPEN FIELD AND THINKS, "M'M, TASTY! GOD MUST LOVE AMERICA IF HE GIVES ME SO MUCH GRASS TO EAT!"
To a normal human being, who doesn't have cow genes, such people are disgusting and make you want to vomit. To Americows, fat, disgusting, vulgar, no culture, just consume and consumer, fat is sexy, fat is beautiful:
TYPICAL AMERICOW WOMAN HAVING A MID-MORNING SNACK
Probably a lot of Americows look at her photo and already getting sexually aroused, or at the very least, her photo makes you hungry, now you want a giant cake of your own to eat. Jesus, even your fucking pets are fat fucks, those poor animals, they just were unfortunate to be born in United States of Americows, where everyone is a fat disgusting fucker:
That picture almost makes me cry, I don't understand a sick country that makes its dogs fat. Don't you Americows have any heart beneath all your disgusting fat?
Cows known for being fat, slow, and very dumb. That describes Americows perfectly, who finally discovered, after so many years of their empire collapsing into rubble, that something is not right:
Americans are more dissatisfied with the country’s direction than at any time since the New York Times/CBS News poll began asking about the subject in the early 1990s, according to the latest poll.
In the poll, 81 percent of respondents said they believed that “things have pretty seriously gotten off on the wrong track,” up from 69 percent a year ago and 35 percent in early 2003.
The part I like is how dumbfuck Americows come up with idiotic expression to downplay how fucked their country is, speaking about total collapse of their empire in words like it's some boy-girl relationship: "things have pretty seriously gotten off on the wrong track." I lived in your shitty country, I remember the kind of people who talked like that on TV, they usually were old people sitting on a rocker chair on their front porch, wearing a hat made of straw or some kind of white hat. Really stupid old fools who you felt sorry for. That's what Americans feel like today? Like stupid senile old fuckers on a rocking chair? Maybe that's why they love old senile war-fag McCain.
I can't feel sorry for you Americows, however, because you remind me of capricious spoiled children from an evil predatory family which preys on the weak, gluttons yourselves to disgusting fatness, spreads war and murder and death around the world, borrows money everywhere, ignorant of suffering, laughing at others not so lucky as you. Now, you lose your empire, you sit there only with your fat. And only thing you say is, "things got off on the wrong track." Better you just say "moo!" and not pretend.
There is only one Americow that I would say, as a Russian, I feel some respect for. She's really fat, yeah, but she's not a cow-brained zombie like everyone else. Unlike other Americows, she fought back when vicious bankers took her house away:
EASLEY, S.C. -- An Upstate woman is accused of setting her house on fire the night before it was to be foreclosed.
Deputies said Andrea Leah Dalton Propes, 29, set fire to the home she shared with her husband and child.
PROPES: AMERICAN HERO
Propes fought back, now they put her in jail. No room in America for humans, just human-cows.
Meanwhile, other Americows await the fate of all cows, passively heading to the slaughterhouse of history.
AMERICOWS PRETTY MUCH ON THE WRONG TRACK
Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...