|Vlad's Daily Gloat|
Vlad's Daily Gloat
For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
This hopped-up "Kopeika" Lada shows off its rubber-burning power to an awed provincial audience...
Why does this woman wear her shiner...
Six years ago, arrogant President George Bush accused three countries of "An Axis of Evil": they were Iraq, North Korea, and Iran. Back then, Americans, drunken from deranged imperialism, were sure that they will defeat these three small-time third world countries easily. "We're Number One, man!" they cried, giving each other high-fives.
Now, six years later, let us look at the difference between deranged American fantasy, and cruel reality.
IRAQ. It's five years, and America still cannot defeat "dead-enders," stuck in a quagmire that costs $3 trillion dollars (sure, it's only monkey-dollars, not real currency like Rubles, but to poor bankrupt Americans, that's a lot of money), bankrupting the empire, and destroying they army. Like most of a civilized world, I want to see America bleed in Iraq for as long as possible, because a blood-thirsty nation of brutes like America needs to hurt in order to stop acting like madmen. That is wishful thinking, I know, to expect civilized behavior from a most bloodthirsty empire since the time of Hitler, but so long as America bleeds in Iraq, they CANNOT invade anywhere, even if they want to! Thank god, Americans are such dumbfucks, they do exactly what I hope, what Russians, Iranians, Chinese, Europeans, Latin American, etc. want, according to a Guardian article:
A confidential draft agreement covering the future of US forces in Iraq, passed to the Guardian, shows that provision is being made for an open-ended military presence in the country.
Meanwhile the Gen. Petraeus now doesn't even want to allow some minor troop withdraws from Iraq, everything going so fucking shitty there for Americans, he's afraid:
Telling Congress that progress in Iraq was “fragile and reversible,” the top American commander recommended Tuesday that consideration of any new withdrawals of American troops be delayed until the fall, making it likely that little would change before Election Day.
So, everything is completely in shit in Iraq, America will stay there "indefinitely." That's really pleasing news.
The commander, Gen. David H. Petraeus, refused under persistent questioning from Senate Democrats to say under what conditions he would favor new troop reductions, adding that he would not take the matter up until 45 days after a current drawdown is complete in July. His recommendation would leave just under 140,000 American troops in Iraq well into the fall.
Next, second "evil enemy" NORTH KOREA. They are actually the cleverest of the three. They understood right away that America is a fag country that talks a lot, but is scared of getting hurt. So, while Bush threatened North Koreans, they quietly built their atom bomb, without interruptions, tested missiles that can reach California, and finally, tested their nuclear bomb. That scared a shit out of cowardly Americans. They now came crawling back to North Korea, begging to "talk." That's where they are today.
Last, IRAN. What scares American fags is Iran's nuclear program. A real serious power would not wait around like fags, if it is really a threat, they will destroy that threat. So, is America a real power, or a fag power? I give you the evidence:
Evidence #1: Iran just kicked Americans asses in recent Iraq battles, as War Nerd explains in the current eXile issue:
What happened in Iraq this week was a beautiful lesson in the weird laws of guerrilla warfare. Unfortunately, it was the Americans who got schooled. Even now, people at my office are saying, “We won, right? Sadr told his men to give up, right?”
Evidence #2: Iran, like North Korea, doesn't give shit what America says, so they are continuing nuclear program, with Russian help, that makes me very satisfied!
Wrong. Sadr won big. Iran won even bigger. Maliki, Petraeus and Cheney lost.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced major progress in Iran's push for nuclear power, saying Tuesday that his nation was installing thousands of new uranium-enriching centrifuges and testing a much faster version of the device.
The part I like is how Rice "cautioned" that the claim could not be "substantiated." Didn't Bush puss out that same way after a North Korean atom bomb test? Pretend it did not happen, just as they pretend everything in Iraq going great?
Ahmadinejad said scientists were putting 6,000 new centrifuges into place, about twice the current number, and testing a new type that works five times faster.
That would represent a major expansion of uranium enrichment - a process that can produce either fuel for a nuclear reactor or material for a warhead. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice cautioned, however, that the claim could not be immediately substantiated.
Iran has about 3,000 centrifuges operating at its underground nuclear facility in Natanz - the commonly accepted figure for a nuclear enrichment program that is past the experimental stage and can be used as a platform for a full industrial-scale program that could churn out enough enriched material for dozens of nuclear weapons over time.
Evidence #3: Amerifag response to Iran teasing them. "Please, pretty please with a sugar, can we talk about it, Mister Ahmadinejad, sir?"
TEHRAN, April 7, 2008 (AFP) - Iran announced on Monday that it had received a "request" from its arch-foe the United States to hold a fourth round of talks on security in Iraq.
Jesus christ, you Americans are really a world's biggest fags! Everywhere you get your asses kicked. Last week, you surrender to Russia over Ukraine and Georgia. This week, you beg Iran for five minutes their time. I wonder, can America even conquer a little island, with no people, just birds and monkeys? I doubt it. You really should just go back to your country, because dumbfucks should be with dumbfucks, losers with the losers. It is more safe for your type in a land of Burger Kings and Wal Mart.
"We have received a new request from US officials through a formal note for holding talks on Iraq and we are looking into the issue," foreign ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini told reporters.
He said that the note had been received through the Swiss embassy in Tehran, which looks after US interests in the Islamic republic in the absence of a US mission.
Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
War Nerd Summer Reading Guide
It’s summer, you’ve got a little more time off, so you can read up on war instead of trying to live in whatever boring suburb you live in. Lawns, neighbors, dogs, kids—it all sucks and the best thing you can do is get as far out of it as you can.