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[SIC!] October 10, 2007
 
Your Letters
 
Page 2 of 4
 

For many years my life was connected with Russia: student -> grad exchange student -> embassy construction -> representative of import/export company -> self employed partner in an export company. The last ended in 2001 as the Russian economy went downhill. Since then I've been scraping by in odd jobs, but maintaining contact with a couple of Russian doctors, who let me help them by sending over equipment now and then. Ever since I've been looking to find work with a company doing business with Russia, but you probably know that such jobs never appear in the classifieds. The major US firms, who have offices in Moscow are besieged with inquiries from anyone who mutters, "ya guvroo pruski".

You'll probably write, "get your butt over to Moscow and start pounding the pavement," and you'd be right. The only problem is that now I have to support a wife and 2 kids. What I scrape up from working in local warehouses goes to the family and mortgage payments. [Here we're actually tempted to write, "Get your butt to Mexico, get a new identity, abandon the wife and kids, and start pounding the easily-available prescription medications," and we'd be right -- Ed.]

So, I was hoping you can help me point to where to network, if you know of any US firms that are not heavily advertised that are building up operations in Russia. I'm not afraid to cold call them, and am not looking for a big salary and a plush office – just an opportunity to show what I can do.

Thank you for any tiny piece of information. And of course I'll still keep reading your articles.

"Vsego najluchshego",

Joe Meschino

Peoples Autonomous Oblast of Upstate New York

Dear Mr. Meschino, By writing to the War Nerd for assistance, you've pretty much made yourself unemployable in this or any town. That said, we are looking for an unpaid intern. If you know how to make a mean instant Nestle Gold cup of coffee, and you've got the right wrist to carry mugs of coffee to our staff, then all we can say is, "Joe Meschino, your employment worries are over!"

JACK MIOFF

Hi Mr. Dolan,

My name is Jennifer, and I am an American student doing a report on the falsities within the pages of James Frey's AMLP. I stumbled upon your GREAT article that reviews Frey's book before the world found out that most of it was made up. One question--- Are you a teacher? I am using your article for my annotated bibliography, and something you said in your article suggested that you may be a teacher. If you are, then that will give even more authority to your voice! Thank you!!!

Sincerely,

Jennifer Jackway

San Clemente, California

Dear Ms. Jackway, Since when do teachers have "authority" in America? Haven't you heard the expression, "Those who can't do, teach"? Dolan is a "do" type, as evidenced in the fact that he broke the Frey fraud long before the rest of the literary world woke up. And speaking of "do," uh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh. "Do." Uh-huh-huh-huh. We'd uh like to "do"...no, stop it! We promised we wouldn't do this anymore to nice [sic] letter writers. Everyone in the [sic] lab took a vow last week not to do it...We're trying to change here...not to...Grrr...so Jennifer...Grrr... which way do you jack, like do you piston-jack, or is it a twist...nnnooOOOOO! Stop! Little circles or...Stop! No, we won't go there, Jennifer! You're a nice person, and we've changed. Look, it's best if you leave now. Go, leave, hurry! Lock the door on your way out, and no matter what we say, no matter what sounds come out of the [sic] lab, do not, repeat, DO NOT open the door. Go, that's right, shut the door. Bye-bye! Ah, that was doing the right thing. We feel great now, don't we? Anyone got a tube of Ya Sam cream? We feel so great, we're gonna celebrate the only way we know how: the Jackway.


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FROM THE VAULT
Al Dilbert
Al-Dilbert :

COMBED OVER!!! :
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