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Sports Section October 9, 2007
Rumble in the Rodina: Ibragimov vs. Holyfield
By Ivan Drago Browse author

Ze over-ze-hill American former champion coming to Moskva to fight ze Russian WBO heavyweight champion against overwhelming odds... zis scenario sounds to me very familiar. However, it is clear that Sultan Ibragimov knows his history and vill not repeat it. For example, he has forsaken ze extremely sophisticated and high technology training facilities of his native Dagestan for a more simple approach in Fort Lauderdale. My sources tell me that he trains mostly by chopping down mahogany trees and prying open alligators' jaws.

Zis strategy may explain vy Ibragimov is not vell cut and even has something dangerously close to manboobs. However, do not let ze size of his breasts mislead you. He is a very tough fighter and more than a decade younger zan Holyfield. In fact he is frightening enough zat ze fight vas originally scheduled to be between him and WBA title holder Ruslan Chagaev, only to have Chagaev chicken out by claiming zat a phony stomach illness prevented him from training properly. Ze promoters had already paid for the arena, so zey quickly arranged to use Holyfield as ze fall guy for Ibragimov.

Unfortunately for Holyfield, neither his evangelicalism nor his steroid vill help him vin zis fight. While zanks to his extracurricular Bonds-like activities, he's in great shape, ze man is 45 years old! Furthermore, United Russia has been charged vith making sure zat zere vill be no chants of "USA, USA!" during ze fight.

Even if ze fight itself vill be very one-sided, Mike Tyson is rumored to be attending it, so zere is always ze chance of some ear-biting or other unstaged excitement.

Prediction: Holyfield, You vill lose by KO in the 6th round!

The beatdown happens in Moscow on October 13, at the Ledovoi Dvorets.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

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eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

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Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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