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Club Review October 16, 2007
Katz 2.0 @ Version 1.0
By Lindy West Browse author

I've been a big fan of Hannah Katz ever since I came out to Moscow a year ago. I just hope that I won't embarrass myself trying to match her style. For my first review, I'm tackling VERSION 1.0's modification party. I think that I have what it takes, especially because the guys at The eXile think so, or are at least willing to let me try this once.

Before I begin, I wanna tell you a little about myself: Like I said, I came out to Moscow a year ago for a study abroad program. I'm from a small town in Ohio that nobody's every heard of. But it has one claim to fame. Samuel L. Clemens (aka Mark Twain), lived there for a while. But I guess it's not that important. I was supposed to stay here just three months but started dating a Russian guy and decided to take a year off school, you know, for adventure. That didn't last long. I walked in on him and his second cousin, who worked as one of those girls who stand around in swimsuits at Moscow's various car and trade shows. But they weren't doing it in the bed. No. They were fucking in the front seat of his BMW, which was parked in his apartment's underground car lot. I was taking out the garbage. Anyway, this happened last week and I was ready to party! So I approached this assignment with a special zeal I haven't felt for the nightlife in a long, long time. See, I'm kind of a homebody.

Version 1.0 is a restaurant/lounge located in the Gostiny Dvor. I've heard about this place, but had never been there before. Actually, it's kinda cool. Its interior got this weird hi-tech Czarist hybrid theme going on--gaudy Rococo mixed with huge virtual reality screens and futuristic lighting. The place is home to "the longest bar top in Moscow," as well as the city's best cocktails. The bar was indeed very long and the cocktails were delicious, although I blacked out after having six vodka Redbulls, my friends told me I was sipping Mai Tai's all night long.

Version 1.0 has been open for as long as I've been in Moscow, but now they're shifting more to the nightlife market--from restaurant/lounge to lounge/club. To highlight this move, they've expanded their dance floor and threw this party. From what I'm told, Version 1.0 is an alternative to places like Too Drunk To Fuck or 30/7 with an expanded dance floor. Like I said, I don't normally get out much, but I was told their timing was good. Both of those places seem to on tekhnichesky pereryv (closed for technical reasons).

It was around midnight when I showed up with my Russian girlfriend, Olga. The place was filled with a predominantly under 25 crowd, students from the looks of it. Olga told me that judging by the labels of their clothes, the crowd was semi-elitny. Meaning that they were well off, but not rich enough to be decked out in full designer regalia. Many of the guys had what The eXile calls dimabilans and that made me kind of sad. My boyfriend, Zhenya, had a cute tiny little one that was barely noticeable. Mock me all you want, but its strange how longing wins over anger sometimes. But I couldn't have these sappy thoughts, not while out on my first club review. Olga and I pounced on the free drinks.

The club was playing some sort of techno house music. In no time, I was freaking with this tall, drop-dead gorgeous Russian guy who was built like a classical statue. Her really reminded me of Zhenechka. That's what I used to call my boyfriend during sex. We freaked for what seemed like hours. And that's all I remember. Next thing I remember is waking up on a couch in Olga's livingroom (which also happens to be my permanent place of residence) to a series of moans coming from Olga's room. It was 10 a.m. and somebody was fucking her brains out. I was alone, completely naked, except for my socks. The burning question was: Did I score or did I not score? Because, if I didn't, I'd really feel like I wasn't owning up to Hannah's legacy.

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Blurb Porn — Edward Lucas & Anne Applebaum :

the edGy post-guide to moscow :

Death Pornomatic Map of Russia : Your visual guide to DP. See who's dying, where and how!

The Grapes of Wrath : Down & Out With Moscow’s Tajik Gastarbeiters


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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