Mankind's only alternative 2   JUL.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

World October 19, 2007
13 Scary Scenarios
Why 2008 is going to be the scariest year ever!
Page 2 of 2

7. Bilanmania

Dima Bilan announces his first American tour, and when he lands at JFK airport, he’s greeted by mobs of screaming American boys sporting Bilan mullets. In order to meet booming American demand for millions of bilan mullets, Persona Laboratory sends thousands of “beauty advisors” on a grant from the Russian Stabilization Fund.

8. James Frey's Debut Novel Rules

Disgraced literary fraudster James Frey was exposed as a liar. But whereas his memoirs were hilariously awful, his foray into fiction is frighteningly brilliant, funny and imaginative. Dr. Dolan is found dead in his bathtub.

9. Ken Burns and Tom Friedman Team Up

ExxonMobil and Citibank co-fund an 18-part Ken Burns PBS series hosted by Thomas Friedman and based on David Rothkopf’s book, Superclass: The Global Power Elite and the World They Are Making. Many of the interviews take place between Friedman and CEOs during rounds of golf. Burns creates a new documentary technique called “The Friedman Effect,” which gives the viewer the sense that his mustache actually comes alive.

10. Russia Ends Visa Regime

For years now every foreigner has bitterly complained about Russia’s difficult visa regime, registration problems, and horrible lines at passport control. Heeding the advice of the American Chamber of Commerce, Russia finally ends its visa regime for Westerners. Shortly thereafter, Russia becomes inundated with British stag partiers, flying in on discount British airlines. Prostitution prices soar. Russian girls stop brushing their teeth in order to blend in with British men.

11. South Asia Goes to Hell

Everyone’s worst nightmares come true in a domino effect in South Asia. First, Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf finally gets wacked when his own son, Bilal, serves him an explosives-ladened Sajji plate. Extremists take over Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal. In response, President Bush sends the SEALs into Pakistan to secure its nuclear arsenal, and announces the start of a bombing campaign against Iran in order to liberate the country from Islamofascism. Oil soars to 200 dollars per barrel, and the San Fernando Valley’s economy is hit hard. The result is that most of America’s porn industry is outsourced to India. Indian porn actors are trained to say “fuck me baby, yeah” in nearly-perfect American accents.

12. Putin Gets His Green On

Vladimir Putin tires of politics and retires from the Duma in order to take up what he once admitted was his true calling. He joins Greenpeace, grows a beard, and spends the remaining years of his life harassing whaling boats, disrupting G-8 conferences with giant inflatable whales, and scaling nuclear reactors. Declaring that he “can’t deal with Russia anymore,” he ends his days in a squat in Copenhagen with his new “life partner,” a Kurdish-Dutch woman.

13. Someone’s Watching You

As you're reading this list, you have the sense that someone's watching you. You think you see something out of the corner of your eye. But every time you turn around, whatever was there vanishes. You know it’s there, you know it’s watching you, but what is it? What does it want from you? You better find out now, before it’s too late…

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
War Nerd: The Siege
Nahr al Bared: A Squeamish Siege : The art of the seige
Club Review
House Party Hipsters :

Celebrity Roundup :

Feis The Music! Buns Moons Moscow Nightclubs :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442