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Ofis Space October 30, 2007
The Nightmare Before Novy God
By Nancy Deal Browse author
Page 2 of 2

"Ho, ho, ho! Give me trick!" Kolya nodded enthusiastically.

"What is it, this treating?" Natasha leaned in and put her hand on my leg to ask this. I stood up to reach for the mango banana tea and to get her damn hand off my leg.

"Well, you have to say 'trick or treat' when you go from house to house, and then the people there give you candy." For an instant I remembered that scratchy old film they used to show us about trick or treating in grammar school and thought about giving Natasha a nice juicy apple with a razor blade in it.

"Is there a feast?" Yulia asked.

"Nency, is it true there is a big family gathering with pie? When I spent three weeks in America there was a great holiday with a great feast and all the family traveled to be there. This is American holiday."

"Wrong holiday. This one's just about costumes and candy, mostly. Getting as much candy as you can, then pigging out until you feel sick."

No one knew what to say about that.

"Let us then share our candy!" Natasha broke the silence and placed misha kosolyapi chocolates on everyone's saucers. It was 10 in the morning, I was being forced to eat chocolate and drink heinous tea while wearing a tightly fitting plastic Hamburgler mask that was going to leave marks around my eyes if I dared take it off.

"I like it, this holiday!" Natasha decided.

"Yes! Let us from now do the Helloween every year!"

"Uraaa!" the three of them cheered in chorus.

Jason and Freddy are kids' stuff. This was the scariest Halloween ever.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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