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Field Guide December 3, 2007
Field Guide To Moscow: Sugarus Daddius

Sugarus Daddius

Caucasian Pimp

Caucasian Pimp

Distinguishing Features: Black hair, slightly retarded sounding Russian accent, brillo-like stubble (Not to be confused with the Markus Amus)

Habitat: While the Sugarus Daddius once roamed freely throughout central Moscow, the rapid expansion of several pafusni species has reduced his habitat to several small enclaves on Leninsky Prospekt, Kurskaya and Lubyanka. Happily, the Sugarus Daddius is still thriving beyond the MKAD, where he can be found after sundown surrounded by hundreds of his preferred mates (Whorus Khokholus).

Danger if Provoked: High. While the Sugarus Daddius rarely attacks, he is protected by several lesser primates that will eliminate any intruder threatening him. Sugarus Daddius is extremely territorial, and will kill competing Sugarus Daddiusi that encroach on his turf.

Mortal Weaknesses: Falls victim to zachistki by the militsia whenever a major international sporting event is scheduled for Moscow and after every Chechen terrorist act.

Comments: Sugarus Daddius is a non-native species from the North Caucusus that has thrived in post-Soviet Moscow. They quickly eliminated native Russian pimps with their aggressive tactics and superior ability to entrap and retain whorus khokholusi thanks to an instinctual combination of violence and pillow talk. A mature Sugarus Daddius can control up to 50 whorus khokholusi, forcing them into numerous daily mating sessions with cash-paying clients.

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