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Russia January 9, 2008
The Theory Of Dyevolution
By Richard Bickerstaff Browse author

Is Natural Selection really over? I thought so, But show me a really attractive woman from a photograph before 1910. Being unable to find first-rate hotness in history always perplexed me. The only solution I could conceive was one of those pitiful sophomore "social-constructionist" arguments, which never comfortably rested with my libido. But research recently published in the Proceedings of the U.S. National Academy of Sciences asserts human evolution has sped up since the invention of agriculture. The authors claim human genetic change has been happening at 100 times the rate of any other period over the last 5,000 years. Since eXile-readers share an interest in hot Soviet-bloc girls and war, I'd like to present a related theory that the two are inextricably linked.

Scythian chick: ancient dyevushki ancestors died off after too much suntanning.

700 years ago, Russian girls still hadn't evolved into 3-dimensional beings.

By the 18th century, dyevushki evolved a 3rd dimension, along with double-chins.

It took a Lev Tolstoy to see the beauty-and vulnerability-of a serf dyevushka like her.

Thanks to the heroic war efforts of Stalin-era dyevushki like her...

...evolution produced the mighty Andropov-era dyevushka shown here.

The estimate for Soviet War dead in World War 2 is 24 million (plus five million, if you count Poland). The Soviet casualties are split pretty evenly between military and civilian. The military casualties were men--young men, most without children. Civilian casualties are likely stacked 2-1, men to women. The battle-plan on the Eastern Front was basically Gary Brecher's genocidal "primitive warfare"; men were most worth butchering, whatever the situation, and the nearer to fighting (marrying) age, the better. While the Nazis wanted to exterminate whole Slavic populations for "living space," women were killed less promiscuously. Stalinist purges, likewise, focusing mainly on party-members, also targeted men.

This left Eastern Europe, postwar, with a serious demographic shortage of men of marrying age. The Bolsheviks being relatively puritanical, and rural hillbilly culture being unchanging, having a child out of wedlock still carried some shame, likely a little lessened, but still significant. Historically, with humans, polygamous mating would probably have happily enough arisen, but social boundaries in the Stalin-era Soviet Union were not lightly violated. So from Poland, through Belarus, especially Ukraine (how does that accord with your postwar Commie conspiracy?) and into Western Russia, you're looking at the postwar baby-boom generation in Russia stacked roughly 2-1, women to men, a nearly unprecedented demographic situation, on such a scale. According to the authors of the recent paper, it's just such "unnatural" scenarios that create intensified selection pressures, hugely effecting the genetics of a population.

If you're Steven Tyler, you create children with a Playboy Playmate, and get Liv Tyler. If you're a living Russian man at age 23 in 1947, being alive, you are a rock star. Who are you going to marry? The situation creates the strongest possible selection pressure for female hotness, as we recognize it. You don't even look at the plain girls. Whatever "hotness" is, from the perspective of evolutionary biology, men generally recognize it as the single most important factor in choosing a mate. Within a second any man can rank any woman on a scale from one to ten. When women outnumber you two to one, you'd only aim for eight and above. Throughout history, ugly women have gotten knocked-up nearly as often as their attractive counterparts. It's human nature to pair up with somebody. But not in the postwar Soviet Union, the spinster-maker.

So within a single generation, genes producing five to sevens (remember, marrying-age girls) are gone. You get populations notably weighted toward Liv Tylers. Where? In Poland, where there was more wholesale slaughter, you see the phenomenon a little. It flares up most noticeably across Ukraine and into Russia, where male baby-boomer deaths were most demographically significant. Now compare the women of Eastern-bloc countries to... the women of England.

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