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Editorial February 13, 2008
Anne Applebaum On Capitalism And Russian Beauty
Blyadi and the East By Anne Applebaum Browse author

My email inbox has been overflowing with letters from readers ever since my last column about Russia's amazing abundance of beautiful women, and how the rise of free markets made them so gorgeous. Even academic heavyweight Michael McFaul of the Hoover Institute dropped me a note thanking me for pointing out the link between Russia's turn to open free markets in the 1990s, which he helped to design and promote, and the sudden revelation of Russia's remarkable female beauty.

"Yes, free markets gave rise to beautiful Russian women," wrote McFaul, "but what few realize is that today's Putin-era Russian beauties, who are even more appealing than the girls of the 1990s, would today be even drop-dead off-the-scale gorgeous had Putin not imposed authoritarian rule and clamped down on the free market."

Thanks for pointing that out, Michael! How right you are!

The link between beauty and open markets is incontrovertible and everywhere. Take for example Great Britain, where the proportion of hatchet-faced horse-toothed women declined from 98% of the female population during the Welfare State era, down to 97.85% of the population after Margaret Thatcher's market reforms took hold. True, the statistics have a margin of error of 5%, but as Michael McFaul correctly notes, that margin of error would be even greater had not free markets been introduced.

The free market at work for whore & john

We needn't look overseas to understand this. In the USA, the dazzling lustful hippie girls of the Great Society era in the 1960s and 1970s gave way to the sexless post-Reaganomics American woman of today: fat-ankled, bitter, a bottle of Prozac in one hand and a jackrabbit vibrator in the other: she is the picture of free markets triumphing over the failed sexual socialism of the LBJ years. While it's true today's American women are frighteningly unappealing compared to their sisters of the protectionist past, at the same time, Michael McFaul would correctly argue that were it not for Reagan's market revolution, today's American women would be even fatter and angrier than the current generation.

When I look at myself in the mirror every morning, I say, "Anne, you look great, and you feel great, and it's all thanks to the open markets!"

I'm bringing all this up because in all of my excitement over Russian beauty, I forgot to cite the single most impressive and visible benefit that market reforms brought: the incredible explosion in Russian and East European prostitutes! Earth to Anne, hello Anne! There I was reminiscing about the Russian beauties appearing in high-class London hotel lobbies and restaurants in 1995, but the part of that story I left out was how most of the girls I saw in those places were working women.

Free markets mean whore markets: Spasibo Applebaum!

If you recall my column, I noted how an old Russia hand friend of mine who'd spent time in the Soviet Union during the 1970s looked at the women in the hotel lobby and remarked, "But where were they all before?" I left out what he said after that: "Where were all the whores crowding the alley tochkas in every Russian thoroughfare, where were all the whores advertising on the Internet or the Moscow Times? If only I'd known, I would have done everything different!"

"They hadn't yet been saved by the free markets!" I chimed in cheerfully. "And don't forget, Old Russia Hand friend, open markets means open borders for hundreds of thousands of prostitutes, which means the exciting opportunity to become a globalized sex slave: in an Albanian trading post, a client to an AIDS-infested Nigerian peacekeeper, orthe chance to travel the world from a basement dungeon in Tetovo to a basement dungeon in Seoul! The trendy left-wing ivory tower types may talk of the evils of globalization, but what they forget is that without globalization, we wouldn't have this great mixing of cultures: Moldovan, Ukrainian, and Belarussian whores getting trafficked through NATO-run Kosovo through a network of Romanian, Serbian and Bosnian criminal gangs, then handed over to Albanian crime groups, and eventually sold to brothels from Saipan to Brazil and points in between!"

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

War Nerd Summer Reading Guide
The War Nerd By Gary Brecher
It’s summer, you’ve got a little more time off, so you can read up on war instead of trying to live in whatever boring suburb you live in. Lawns, neighbors, dogs, kids—it all sucks and the best thing you can do is get as far out of it as you can.


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