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Russia April 7, 2008
Medvedev Math: Presidential Conversion Table

The election of president-elect Dmitry Medvedev means a whole new era awaits us, a more liberal, more technological, and more professional era. It also means that we’ll all be adapting to new Medvedevian metaphors, new Medvedevian ways of doing business, and yes, new Medvedev-relevant measurements.

A team of highly qualified, certifiably liberal eXile mathematicians recently developed an easy-to-understand conversion guide to help our readers get a heads-up and prepare for the new Medvedev era. This Medvedev Measurement System represents the first great advance since the development of the metric system, except that the Medvedev System is superior precisely because it’s more liberal and more technologically proficient. And it’s "nash."


1 dam (acronym for Dmitry Anatolyvich Medvedev) = 48 kilograms


1 medvedev = 1.62 meters

1 mega-medvedev = 9,977 kilometers (the distance across Russia)

1 nautical medvedev = 12.25 kilometers (distance it takes to sail along the Moscow River from the Kremlin to Prime Minister Putin’s office in the White House)

1 nano-medvedev = 0.02 m (the average size of a piece of herring)


1 cubic medvedev = 0.073 cubic meters or 73 liters 1 medvedev barrel = 0.450 barrels (1 barrel = 158.987 liters)

Technical Notes: To arrive at 1 cubic medvedev, we calculated the estimated surface area of the top of President-elect Medvedev’s cranium and multiplied it by his height. The surface area was established by multiplying the estimated radius of his head (12cm) squared times pi. The volume was calculated by multiplying the resulting figure by his height (1.62m).


1 medvedibel = 120 decibels (President Medvedev’s preferred volume at which he listens to Deep Purple while air-jamming in his presidential limousine while heading down Kutuzovsky Prospekt to the Kremlin.)


Here are some real-world applications of the new Medvedev Measurement System:

  • In 2007, Russia pumped an average of 21.1 million mbpd (medvedev-barrels per day).
  • In 2008, Russia expects to produce roughly 50 trillion cubic medvedevs of natural gas.
  • The distance from coast-to-coast of the continental United States of America is 0.548 mega-medvedevs.
  • The nautical distance between the coast of Chukhotka and coastal Alaska is 7.18 nautical medvedevs.
  • The sound of a vacuum cleaner is 0.67 medvedibels; the sound of a military jet taking off is 1.16 medvedibels.
  • Kate Moss weighs exactly 1.00 dam.
  • The Artist Formerly Known as Prince is exactly 1.00 medvedev tall.

Download the convenient Medvedev Math Conversion Table

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