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[SIC!] May 8, 2008
Your Letters
Page 3 of 3



your gloats are pretty much the only reason I get out of bed in the morning because America sucks so much, I am surrounded by Americans, and I am an American, it sucks a lot.

Zhivelya Rosija!

Smrt Ameriki!

Serbian?! That's not Russian?!


Dear Mr. Alex, Barack Obama replies, "Can I let you in on a little secret? The day I’m elected President, there will be no more ‘America’ left to worry about. My motto is: ‘Yes I Can.’ But I left out the second part, if you flip over the signs: ‘Destroy America!’ The difference between you and me, Alex, is that you say ‘Smrt Ameriki!’ while I do ‘Smrt Ameriki!’ But mum’s the word, Alex. That’s our little secret."


Dear Gary,

Referring to your story on Tibet, in case you're not fed up with this country's glorious history and still wonder where to find any non-Chinese sources on it, I'd like to recommend the works of Lev Gumilev, a prominent Russian historian. He wrote tons on Central Asia (btw, he was even a bigger fan of the Mongols than you are). Unfortunately, I don't know if any of his books are available in English, but try googling up his works, such as "An End And A New Beginning" or "Searching For An Imaginary Kingdom".

Also -- I know your editors will trash me for this -- I dare say that your notion of Buddhists as quiet beetle-kissing hippies is a gross misperception. That same Gumilev wrote that when a Tibetan prince finally decided to impose Buddhism on his fiefdom, there were eyeballs and fingers of Bon hardliners scattered all around his palace. (I'm telling you, READ this guy, you'll enjoy his stuff immensely.)

China also has a long history of Buddhist sects staging coups and initiating violent repressions on their opponents (look up the White Horse sect). So maybe it wasn't Zen that subdued the Tibetans to the Chinese. Maybe they were just too fucking backward.



Dear Mr. Igor, John McCain replies, "I like your point. Basically you’re saying, ‘I hate gooks,’ which is all I was trying to say when I said ‘I hate gooks’ a few years ago. It’s called ‘straight talking’ and quite frankly, we need more of it."


Dear Mr. Kalashnikov,

Saw your comments on the 'food shortage' here in America. Dream on dumbass. You're in fantasyland. You were right about one thing; America IS Great. And compared to Russia, it will ALWAYS be Great! That's not a tough feat for anybody. I'll think of you while I'm at my all-you-can-eat buffet tonight.



Dear Mr. Dale, Barack Obama replies, "Dale, let’s get beyond the rhetoric of ‘food shortage’ and start making the transition towards the rhetoric of two words that I think are much more positive and inspiring: SLAVERY REPARATIONS. God, I love the ring of that phrase, don’t you?"

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The Russian Housing Crisis :

Douglas Kent’s Hit and Run :

That 90s Sham : 90 Reasons to Hate the 90s
Propaganda PSAs
Russian Propaganda Posters Are Back With A Vengeance : They also have the exact same design


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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