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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story August 24, 2007
 
Cold Bullshit
Ten Piles of "New Cold War" Crap
 
Page 3 of 6 6 more photos
 

Diagnosis: The Shanghai Cooperation Organization is a classic nerd's club. Every single one of them - all five - would drop their buddies in a heartbeat and join the popular clique in Strasbourg or Brussels if only someone would care to invite them.

STOOL SAMPLE #4:

The dreaded Russian Armed Forces

Polish politicians: You can just stare at them for hours

Characteristics: Dribbling, thin, watery

Analysis: The latest "Cold War Two" headlines were all about how Russia is resuming longrange bomber flights, just like they did in the Cold War, when we were all always five minutes away from total extinction. Problem is, these reports leave out one big detail. If you look at the photo of the bombers that are supposedly threatening the West's very existence, you'll notice that THE TU BOMBERS RUN ON PROPELLAR ENGINES. Repeat: propellers. Um, tovarishi, has anyone ever told you about something called the "jet engine"? Yeah, some countries started using them about, oh, 60-70 years ago. Maybe you've seen a jet engine? Looks kind of like a propeller engine, only without the propeller. Fact is, real bombers haven't used propellers since around the time of the Red Baron. Oh, and the Western press scared us all with reports that the Russians are also going to send a boat to a Mediterranean port for a few days. Yeah that's right: a Russian boat can actually sail from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean, and stay there. That's it, we're all doomed now. Say goodbye to the Western Way of Life as we know it! Brace yourselves for future Cold War alarmist headlines about the scary Russian armed forces: "Russia revives horse cavalry units; Westerners build horse-proof bunkers!" "Russia develops new three-edged spear to counter US space weaponry!" Let's face facts: the Russian armed forces can barely manage to keep their own country from disintegrating, so the idea of them one day rolling across Europe, or even across the MKAD, is about as ridiculous as The eXile being sued by the guy from Maroon 5.

Diagnosis: Scattered silliness with a chance of lunacy developing by late afternoon.

STOOL SAMPLE #5:

The dreaded American Hyperpower

Some Russian missiles are so accurate, they can hit the fifth fret from 12,000 miles

Characteristics: Perfectly fluffy

Analysis: Between 2001 and 2002, every dip-shit pundit in the West fell over each other trying to come up with new hyperboles to describe America's alleged total world military dominance. Newsweek claimed that the US was the strongest power the world had ever known. A new word was coined, "hyperpower," to describe America's alleged paradigm-shattering full-spectrum dominance. And then the hyperpower came across a crowd of dust monkeys in Iraq, and whoosh! It was all "hype" and no "power." There was a time when real powerful nations took on other nations of equal or greater population strength and won. But this hyperpower is losing, or rather has already lost, to a country with less than 10% of America's population. Losing so badly that American generals admit they don't even have the forces to wage a war against another Third World nation, Iran. Meanwhile, North Korea, which is like the White Castle Burger of bullshit villain-nations, has been taunting the US hyperpower and laughing in its face, building nukes at will, setting them off like annoying neighbors with fireworks, and America can't do a durned thing about it.


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