Mankind's only alternative 3   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Press Review February 20, 2002
Top Seeds Advance
By Matt Taibbi Browse author

Barry, Friedman Kick Major Ass as March Madness Continues

Hell, Maryland beat Duke last week, which means giants do fall in big-ticket basketball. Not so in journalism. Jason Williams can go cold for a game or two, but you take a guy like Thomas Friedman, and his jumper is never off. The guy is just flat-out money from 25 feet in. All he needs is one 6'11 white scrub center out there setting picks for him, and it's all day, baby.

The same goes for Dave Barry. He has a strange release, a little like Jamaal Wilkes, who eXile readers will remember was Keith Wilkes in college. Barry's range is only about 18 feet, but he can get his shot at will. And he has absolutely no conscience -- he'll shoot from anywhere, almost like a Reggie Theus. He'll throw it up over his head, left-handed, with two guys hanging all over him, the kind of shot that if you take it on the street, guys will call out "Bullshit!" right away. But it almost always somehow goes in.

Guys like this are tough to beat, and they showed it in Round 2 of the eXile's third annual Worst Hack Tournament. Of the remaining major players, only fourth seed George Will bowed out this week, and then only because the eXile refuses to believe that his second round opponent, Wall Street Journal martyr Daniel Pearl, is really dead. If Will had competed against an obviously alive, actively filing journalist, we have no doubt he would have advanced. But you don't get credit for a win when the Marshall football team dies in a plane crash, and neither will Will profit from the kidnapping of a fellow hack.

The format of the eXile's March Madness tournament remains the same: in every round, the journalist who files the worse or more dishonest article advances. Play continues until only one journalist remains; that writer is crowd the World's Biggest Hack 2002, and wins a special secret prize from the staff of the eXile that will be extremely unpleasant and which he will carry with him like herpes for the rest of his life. Anyway, here are the results from round 2:

Dave Barry (1), Miami Herald , def. Maggie Gallagher, United Press Syndicate

This is an interesting matchup. Both Barry and Gallagher (the loathsome conservative columnist, not the infuriating bald watermelon-smashing performance artist) are pure archetypes, extreme examples of their respective genres. Barry is the canned humorist; Gallagher the drum-beating right-winger. The decision to have one advance over another in this tournament largely comes down to which genre has a higher hackery quotient.

It's a close call, but Barry ultimately gets the nod, because the essence of hackdom is the absence of ideas, and while Gallagher is an ideologue of sorts, Barry simply occupies space. In other words, the former is repugnant and irritating, but the latter is actually depressing, a much more profound and powerful type of negative emotion.

Not that Gallagher is easy to swallow. She is proof positive that on the spectrum of public voices, there is a place for every type. Our society will actually pay fairly decent money for the right to receive regular input from a screeching celibate. Although, on second thought, this makes sense in America. Ours is a country that sells sex on every channel, but does not have any. For most people this is depressing and frustrating, but some must actually like things that way. Gallagher is the voice of those people. She's made a career out shaking a fist and saying, "Shame on you for saying I have a cunt."

Her first book was called Enemies of Eros: How the Sexual Revolution is Killing Family, Marriage and Sex. The book jacket ad reads like an eXile spoof: 'Judge Robert Bork called it "lucid, witty, profound, devastating."'

Judge Bork would have found the report on the Tuskeegee syphilis experiments funny. When he calls a columnist "witty", we all ought to pay close attention.

Incidentally, some readers got on my case last week for pointing out that Gallagher had used a Josef Goebbels quote about "guns and butter" in her piece celebrating George W. Bush. One reader said that the quote made sense on its own and that it didn't necessarily recall the Nazis when Gallagher, who apparently wasn't aware of the Nazi connection, used it to describe Bush's policies. Well, it just so happens that there a correct usage of the quote appeared this week, in Hunter Thompson's "Hey, Rube" column on ESPN:

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Let The Market Save Darfur : Guest Editorial By Ron Paul
Death Porn
Death Porn: Hog-tied For The Holidays :
US Elections Special Part II: Fear Of An Obama Cabinet :

Kino Kulture :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442