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Book Review February 20, 2002
 
Breathe On Us, Oh God!
By John Dolan Browse author Email
 
Page 4 of 4
 
And with whom God could deal. See, you thought that slimy Florida banana-republic vote-scamming was all about payoffs and lawyers, but it was actually "spiritual warfare." Well, that's why we need people like Dutch, to explain the higher implications of these things.

Luckily, God's candidate won:

"At that pivotal moment in our nation's history, God's people made a choice to cross over. As a result, God gave us a sincere, humble man who loves God and through whom He [God, that is] can work to accomplish His purposes."

Once again, the misconceptions of the cynical are confounded by the history-making Dutch. You thought we ended up with a dimwit cokehead frat-boy asshole; nope, we got "a sincere, humble man" with whom God has already announced His willingness to work.

But Dutch is a broad-minded man, as right-wing lunatics go, and he concedes that others might see it, er, otherwise:

"I realize there are sincere believers who disagree with me. I know that minorities, especially in America, feel their cause is much safer in the hands of Democrats.... I simply believe it was absolutely imperative that God have someone as our president who was very open to Him and walked in righteousness."

This walker-in-righteousness being, y'unnerstan', one G. W. Bush. Dutch goes on to recount his trip to the Inaugural. It was a great occasion, he explains -- it was literally the lifting of a curse which had been upon the land:

"I watched and heard [GWB] end his swearing-in by saying with great conviction, 'So help me God.' Upon the uttering of these words, one well-known minister in attendance was heard to say, 'The curse is broken off of America.'"

This is where the dates get interesting. See, if God had gone and lifted the curse on America when GWB was inaugurated, how come those planes slammed into the towers only eight months later? Dutch wrote this tract while still strutting with pride over getting out the vote for his God-endorsed candidate. The inaugural was held on January 20, 2001. At that moment, according to the unnamed "well-known minister," "the curse [was] broken off of America." Now, leaving aside the minister's somewhat demotic phrasing, let us do the math. After all, Dutch has taught us all to look out for those zany little numerological omens the puzzle-addicted Deity so frequently lobs into our schedules.

And Dutch has also taught us to think of God as the great Penetrator, who when the mood takes him impregnates his followers -- male, female, or otherwise. Now, the Lord has put a great and terrible thought in my head. For lo, I realized that the Lord had counted the days, and the days between January 20, 2001 and September 11, 2001, that terrible day of wrath when the Curse was very definitely reimposed on America, amounted to eight months, the length of a (slightly preemie) pregnancy.

Yes, when God gripped America from behind on that Inaugural day, he begot a spirit of destruction; and that spirit was born on September 11, and it took the form of swarthy men with boxcutters, who rode in planes numbered 676 -- only TEN NUMBERS AWAY from the very number of the Beast!

And the 676 times two struck the two towers, and subtracted them from two to zero, and caused to be burnt many a believer.

But not nearly enough of them.

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Browse author
dolan@exile.ru
 
 
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