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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Press Review March 6, 2002
Crazy Eights
By Matt Taibbi Browse author

Upsets Galore As Final Four Determined

I'm not sold on Jason Williams. Everyone says he's the hottest thing since Steve Francis, but when I watch the guy I can't help seeing the ghost of Kenny Anderson -- highly touted college point guard, consensus top 3 draft pick, eventual disappointment and borderline all-star. It's just this feeling I get, and it's not because Williams can't play. There's just something about his face that says perennially-traded eventual Portland Trailblazer to me, something much more Stephon Marbury than Isaiah Thomas. I can't explain it, but that's the way I feel.

The eXile's March Madness Worst Hack tournament is plowing ahead, and there were some upsets this week. Play for the coveted Final Four spots was not exactly spirited. In fact, one competitor managed to win without even being alive. In any case, here are the results:

Elliott vaporized the tournament's top seed before he even struck a single key. This contest was over the instant the mere decision was made in the Time offices to run last week's appalling cover story: "Can Bono Save The World?" The cover photo, republished here only with great reluctance by our staff, shows the revolting ex-Irish pop star in his familiar weight-of-the-world-on-my-shoulders Super Bowl halftime pose, flashing the stars-and-stripes lining of his leather jacket. This pompous gasbag asshole is constitutionally incapable of not making a spectacle of himself, even as he supposedly agitates for the world's poor. He wore yellow tinted sunglasses and the rest of his aging rock star costume to the World Economic Forum, for God's sake. Ask yourself seriously: why does anyone have to wear yellow tinted sunglasses to a goddamn economic forum? Answer: so that no one misses the fact that you're Bono.

Michael Elliott, Time, def. Dave Barry (1), Miami Herald

At the Superbowl, Bono dancing in front of a giant screen filled with scrolling lists of 9/11 victim names, preening and twisting with enough exquisite self-love to fill every seat in the stadium, winding up his performance with the world-weary sneer and the American flag jacket-lining. When he hit that pose, you could see him counting off the seconds to make sure the photographers got it. It was the ultimate marriage of self-pitying victim schlock and celebrity narcissism, mixed in with a big-time dose of shameless sucking up to America -- one of the most disgusting things ever to appear on television.

Elliott wrote this Time cover story. The inside headline read: "Right Man, Right Time: The debate on global poverty needed a bit of glamour. Bono supplied it." In the second paragraph, Elliott writes: "Call me a fan, but Bono stands out. In the past three years, in talking to politicians, aid workers, activists and United Nations and other development-bank officials, I have never heard a single suggestion that the U2 singer was involved with the plight of the world's poor for anything other than genuine concern."

The piece is a total blowjob, but it doesn't get any worse than that cover. That cover makes me want to fucking puke. Elliott makes Dave Barry a comic genius and moves into the Final Four.


Daniel Pearl, Wall Street Journal, def. David Sanger, New York Times

Hey, if Pearl wins this tournament, which severed half of his body do we throw the pie at? Do we throw it at his neck-stump? Har har har! See ya in the Final Four, stumpy!


Ronald Brownstein, Los Angeles Times, def. Bob Woodward and Daniel Balz, Washington Post

Almost nothing better exemplifies the cowardice and dishonesty of American journalists over the last decade or so than the amazing willingness of reporters to describe politicians who move to the center as "mavericks" and "risk-takers." It all started with Bill Clinton, and it came about as a result of the meeting of two extremely ugly phenomena: the ascendancy of the one-party system, and the irony disease. By the irony disease I mean the David Letterman humor, the movies with second-rate celebrities like O.J. Simpson and Robert Goulet in self-parodying roles, the TV ads in the nineties aimed at Gen-eXers that made fun of the fact that they were ads and sold products by saying, "You wouldn't listen to an ad, would you?"

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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