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The War Nerd June 26, 2002
 
Onward Christian Soldiers
By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
 
Page 3 of 3
 

People won't see this -- won't see how simple and practical the African style of warfare really is. The LRA is at war with the Ugandan Army, but it's war Central-Africa style. We're not talking Gettysburg or Verdun here. The idea isn't to have big battles but to sneak up on an enemy village and kill all the civilians, take their livestock and steal their stuff. Reporters like to call this "insane," which is crap. Which would you rather do, get sent off to another continent to fight heavily-armed opponents (war Western-style) or kill the neighbors who wake you every damn morning with their stupid lawnmower (war African-style)? Especially if you can see they've got a nice DVD player in there? Personally, I'd much rather kill the neighbors and steal their stuff. And if they've got a daughter just hitting puberty -- well, that's just gravy.

And if they're Christians, so much the better. I'll tell you about my boss sometime -- this little shit from suburban Atlanta whose first question in a job interview is "Where do you worship?" If I was going to sack and pillage any house in Fresno, it'd be his. Believe me, God would be On My Side. I'd shoot his livestock -- two cats and a dog he brings to the office sometimes -- and decide on the spot if his wife was salable, African-style.

So I don't see what's so crazy about these African bush armies' way of making war. Verdun, Blenheim, Gallipoli -- those were "insane." And if you still think tribal massacre is so weird, try remembering high-school PE. Now is it so hard to get? Life in an African bush army is just adolescent fantasy come to life. If I were a bit younger and in better shape....

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Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at war_nerd@exile.ru, but, more importantly, buy his book.
 
 
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