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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story December 25, 2003
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
Page 10 of 17
The Joke: For once, Zhirinovsky had rivals for funniest candidate in the Russian elections. You don't think of SPS trio Chubais, Khakamada and Nemtsov as comics, but for the 2003 Duma elections, they came up with a commercial that had voters rolling in the aisles. In order to persuade Russia's starving millions to vote for them, these geniuses' commercials showed the three of them sitting in a private jet, chatting over lattes and laptops as they cruise above the frozen slums. And then when they failed to make the 5% barrier, they topped that gag with another, blaming their failure on "national-socialist" rigging.

Sad Clown factor: Russia is now controlled by national-socialists.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

27. Western Shock at "Democrats'" loss

The Joke: even funnier than the Democrats' idiotic campaign was the West's stunned horror that SPS and Yabloko were wiped out in the election. You could see the little wires smoking inside the teeny brains of Western Russia specialists. What could have happened? Why didn't these pesky Russians love democracy like they're supposed to? The answers the Russia hands gave were even funnier, dodging wildly to avoid the obvious fact that Russian voters hate the thieves of the 90s so much the only office they could hope to win is human sacrifices.

Sad Clown factor: The West already got what it wanted out of SPS and Yabloko -- the destruction and sale of Russia -- so it doesn't really care that much.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

28. Bush Flight Deck Landing

The Joke: On May 1st, a draft-dodging President who fled into a hole in the ground on 9/11 pulled off perhaps the single funniest stunt of the year when he landed a Navy jet on an aircraft carrier, claiming the war victory all for himself, sending liberals into apoplectic fits ever since. You can't help but laugh every time a whiny liberal bitches about the Dubya flight landing -- they remind you of Clousseau's hapless chief with the eye twitch, or Yosemite Sam turning bright red and blowing steam out of his ears. Ooo, grrr, that Bush and his flight deck landing! You go, Dubya!

Sad Clown factor: Unfortunately, the real Iraq war started a couple of weeks after Bush's victory flight, meaning that liberals have since been able to roast Bush over that stunt, destroying all of its inherent bitch-slappin' humor.

Side-Splitting Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

29. Just-a Kidding!

The Joke: Silvio Berlusconi was having a bad summer back home, so he decided to wake up the European Parliament by comparing a German who'd criticized him to a Nazi camp guard. The best part is that the Germans, still on excruciatingly good behavior and hoping nobody will mention You-Know-Who, couldn't even answer back, because that might sound Nazi. So the good little German socialist that Berlusconi insulted just had to sit there and fume.

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Felgenhauer-Gate: Moscow Times editor drops the censored stamp on its own Russian dissident :
War Nerd -- Kamikaze
WAR NERD: Kamikaze Math : One plane for one carrier, and other lessons from Tojo’s Air Force
Club Review
House Party Hipsters :
Russian Rasta
Field Guide To Moscow: Rassclotus Chichimanus :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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