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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story December 25, 2003
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
Page 12 of 17
Sad Clown factor: Some slow-witted Russian kid might actually believe the trashes are kind and helpful.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

33. Fallujah-Free Fire Zone

The Joke: On April 28, 2003, American troops entered the Iraqi town of Fallujah to bring democracy to the people. The locals took advantage of their new freedoms to stage a demonstration against the occupation. That's kind of funny, but what came next was way funnier: US troops expressed their opposing views with automatic weapons, killing 14 demonstrators, including three children, and wounding 75 more. Two days later, locals marched to protest the killing--and American troops fired into the crowd again, killing two more and wounding 14! Hoo-boy! Twice! Now that's funny: "Surely, Hamid, they won't mow us down again!" "Yes, yes, Rashid -- after all, that last massacre must have been an aberration!" Next thing you know, Hamid and Rashid are falafel chunks on the sidewalk and democracy has the last laugh.

Bonus laugh: Lt. Col. Tobin Green, a US officer in Fallujah, explained things in Bush-Bible blab: ``The evil-doers are deliberately placing at risk the good civilians." You know why? Because the evil-doers like good comedy. Serve it up hot, Lt. Col. Green!

Sad Clown factor: Western press still writes worried thought-pieces asking why, O why, don't the Fallujah-ites love us?

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

34. Moscow Drug Raids

The Joke: 'Twas a time in Moscow when showing up merely drunk at a nightclub was a crime. You couldn't cross the dancefloor at Titanic or Ptyutch without having a couple rolls of E and a line of smack fired into your bloodstream. Not in 2003. On March 11th, President Putin signed a decree dissolving the loathed Tax Police and transferring 12,000 cops, including their weaponry and equipment, to a new federal anti-drug agency, the State Committee for the Control of Narcotics and Psychotropic Substances. Raids have already begun. Clubgoers at Propaganda, Mix, A Priori, Garazh and other places have been beaten, forced to lie on the floor, had their pupils, mouths and arms checked by narcotics doctors, and some have been taken away in white vans. If that's not funny enough, consider this: the narcotics police have just started raiding. The real side-splitting scenes should take place in upcoming months and years.

Sad Clown factor: Looks like we're all going to have to get drunk. Except, get this, Russia is massively raising excise duties on hard alcohol next year, meaning somebody looks like they're going to make a killing on the whole drug raid crackdown! Ka-Ching!

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

35. The Korea Cringe

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V Day Weekend: Raving With WWII Veterans : Vodka, E and shashlik at another dacha weekend

Your Letters :

2001: A Zap Odyssey :

America’s Dangerous Decline :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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