Mankind's only alternative 27   JAN.   23  
Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story December 25, 2003
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
Page 15 of 17
Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

43. Bourgeoisization Of Russia's Elite

The Joke: The days of Russia's rich looking as evil as their methods are over. Say goodbye to wine-colored Boss coats and huge flat-toed leather shoes, flathead hairdos and gangster-like Mercedes Jeeps, and say hello to wire-rimmed glasses, crewneck sweaters, tans, and Land Cruisers. Funny? You betcha! Just watching the new elite in their powdery Scandinavian sweaters trying to act civilized in elitny cafes like Vogue -- when you know they want to whip out their TTs, spray the room and steal someone's moll -- is as funny as Analyze This 2.

Sad Clown factor: Trailblazing anti-flathead Mikhail Khodorkovsky, who introduced the turtleneck, cleancut hairdo and designer glasses to the Russian elite, is now in jail.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

44. TIME to die

The Joke: Time Magazine named "the American soldier" as its "person of the year" for 2003. America gave its troops the message, loud and clear: "We love you guys! Just stay there and whittle down the supply of suicide bombers, one at a time! They'll run out of plastic explosive before we run out of rust-belt kids who can't get civilian jobs!" The only killjoys were the grumbling grunts who kept sneaking out emails talking about how they want to go home. Shut up and stay in character!

Sad Clown factor: America's government is slashing veteran's benefits and extending GIs' term of stay in Iraq while denying combat pay to as many soldiers as possible, despite the fact that anyplace in Iraq is likely to become a combat zone on real short notice.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

45. The Strokes

The Joke: This edgy indie-rock comedy troupe is back for the sequel to their massive underground-gentrifying hit album of 2001, This Is It. They're still incredibly kewl, as heroin-chic as Kate Moss (only without the heroin), and as pampered private school smarmy as ever. Funniest of all, they still haven't bothered to think of a single fresh chord or melody. Why bother? There's a formula -- Velvet Underground without any of the danger (ie without the Velvet or the Underground) -- make it pretty, and voila! Generation Y hijinks! If Dubya was born into Generation Y, we're pretty sure he'd be in the Strokes.

Sad Clown factor: Last song on the new album titled "I Can't Win." The title alone has us all choked up. Poor, poor prep school whiners. They just can't win!

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

46. Elitny Chai

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The Grapes of Wrath : Down & Out With Moscow’s Tajik Gastarbeiters

OVAL OFFICE! The Nuking Of Sweden in one act :

Mr. Limonov on Mr. Medvedev :

Shandra Club & Restaurant : PG Stripper Fun


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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