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Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story December 25, 2003
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
Page 16 of 17
The Joke: You thought it was annoying, in a funny sort of way, how Moscow's pafos forced you to pay ridiculous prices for shitty food, shitty coffee, shitty hotel rooms, shitty movie theaters and shitty sushi? Welp, now you can pay ridiculous prices for shitty tea. Why's that? Cuz dyevs demand it! Hey, if that's not like some kind of Woody Allen movie, then we don't know what is!

Sad Clown factor: We have contracted bloated stomachs and gas on several occasions when we were forced to share elitny chai with our girlfriends.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

47. Jailing Of Mikhail Khodorkovsky

The Joke: Did Vladimir Putin know what was going on in the Yukos crackdown? Were his "siloviki" advisors leading the Tsar astray? Is impartial justice simply taking its course? Is Khodorkovsky a victim of anti-Semitic authoritarianism? Why did the Western elite who once promised him the moon abandon him at his moment of need? Ho-ho-ho, these are just some of the many zany moments that make the jailing of Russia's richest man the local equivalent of Scary Movie 3 for the sheer quantity of site gags.

Sad Clown factor: Western investment said to have come to a halt, meaning that the same "average Russians" who cheered on Khodorkovsky's arrest may not have the kinds of jobs they'll need to get the TVs they'll need to watch and enjoy Khodorkovsky's persecution.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

48. Russian Duma Elections

The Punchline: The Russians just overwhelmingly voted in a Duma that is anti-capitalist, anti-neo-liberal, and anti-Western. What the hell are we doing here still? Whoa! The hijinks are just beginning!

Sad Clown factor: If your name tag lists "SPS" or "Yabloko" as the name of your company, then you are indeed a sad clown.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

49. The Neo-Con Mass Hallucination Network

The Joke : For 30 years the American Right has been developing its own closed-loop communication network, enabling believers to use safe talk-radio stations, magazines, newspapers, TV networks and chatrooms to avoid any contact with hostile reality. The hard work paid off in hilarious fashion over the past year, as every single thing went horribly, hopelessly, obviously wrong -- and these people just turned up their talk-radio volume, hummed Hail to the Chief and pretended everything was fine. The war's a nightmarish disaster; there were no WMDs; the budget surplus has been transformed into multi-trillion deficit; everybody in the world hates America's guts; but nobody is admitting anything's wrong in Limbaugh-land. This kind of comedy isn't for everybody, but if you like your humor really black, there's pure enjoyment in listening to the ever-shriller chorus of believers humming away as burning roofbeams crash down among the congregation.

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Jared and The Fortnight Spin
The Fortnight Spin: Moscow Entertainment :

There Will Be Idiots: The Paul Thomas Anderson Sham :

Meeting the NatsBols :
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Field Guide To Moscow: Sugarus Daddius :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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