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 For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog
 The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog
 A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog
 If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
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| Feature Story |
December 25, 2003 |
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What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
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The Joke: Bush started 2003 having overseen the collapse of the American economy, the single worst military defeat on U.S. soil, unprecedented corporate corruption by his top campaign donors, and making enemies out of all of America's traditional friends. As the year progressed, he led America into a war that has since been described as America's worst foreign policy disaster in the history of the republic. But this is all just the lead-up to the year's funniest punchline: Bush ends the year with stellar poll numbers, earning a 59 percent approval rating, including a majority approving of his handling of the economy and Iraq, and he holds a commanding lead over Democratic frontrunner Howard Dean. Ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahaha. Ah-hahahaha. Ah-ha. Ho. Ho-ho-ho-ho. Ho-hah-hah-hah. Uh-huhuh-huh-huh. Ah-hahaha. Ahh. Ohh. Wow. Sorry, that's just...hah-hah-hah...that's just too damn...hah-hah-hah...hoo-hoo... Sad Clown factor: The entire world has no choice but to be ruled by the whim of a dimwit president, who was put on the throne by a few million mean, white, ignorant Middle American hicks who form the base of Bush's support. That's right: Middle American hicks are the world's electoral college, the tribunals of planet earth's fate. Is that funny or sad? Take your pick. Side-Split Score:  10. Hagia Sofia  The Joke: This was the year that Sofia Coppola officially became a goddess. Joke #1 is that her only previous award was contender for Worst Actress in Film History as Pacino's daughter in Godfather III. Sofia failed as a painter, dress designer, punk groupie and poet before she was credited as director of the Virgin Suicides. Of course, insiders said she had so little to do with that movie she once answered a reporter's question about one scene with, "I don't know, I wasn't on the set that day." That was the first sign of Sofia's comic genius. Five years later, she's made another film, and everybody loves it. The New York Times Magazine gave Sofia an adoring nine-page breathless writeup starting with this boffo laff-line: "It is easy to underestimate Sofia Coppola." Then the big punchline, as the NYT names this spoiled ditz-ettante "the most original and promising young female filmmaker in America."
Sad Clown factor: Now that she's a Goddess, she felt free to dump Spike Jonz, who was the actual talent in the family. Side-Split Score: 11. Venezuela Coup The Joke: It started off funny enough. A democratically-elected left-wing leader in a Latin American country, Venezuela's Hugo Chavez, overthrown by the military junta, which installs a doddering oligarch, Pedro Carmona, in his place. It got funnier when Carmona immediately disbanded the legislature and suspended the constitution. But the High Comedy really kicked in when Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer praised the coup, declaring triumphantly, "Now the situation will be one of calm and tranquility." What comic timing! The next day, Chavez's supporters throughout the country rioted, leaving several dozen dead and returning the popular Chavez to power. Carmona and other coup leaders were spirited away to America in an Animal House-like finale. Subsequent investigations revealed deep White House involvement in the disastrous coup.
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| FROM THE VAULT |
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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...
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