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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
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Feature Story December 25, 2003
What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
Page 6 of 17
The Joke: a classic sucker gag, the old overhyped plague routine. Every year they trot out a new epidemic with a comic acronymic name, and every year everybody gets excited about the chance of seeing all their neighbors and friends die horrible deaths...and then comes the big letdown. SARS was supposed to sweep out of the swarming slums of Hong Kong like Genzhiz Khan. Instead, as a trembling world awaited, it managed to kill off a few hundred Chinese, about the same number as the average African bus crash. This is the kind of thing that's funnier when you think about it later rather than a straight-up sight gag.

Sad Clown factor: meanwhile, the population of China hit 1.25 billion people and dozens of Asian mammals became extinct.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

15. The Euro

The Joke: The Euro seemed like a joke, the declining currency of an eternally-declining Europe. Not long ago, it was worth less than 85 cents to the dollar. Then George W. Bush's policies started kicking in, America's economy tanked and its war machine ground into a quagmire, and now the dollar has crashed so far against the Euro (it takes $1.25 to buy a Euro) that the greenback looks more like the ruble. The ruble? Ha! America should be so lucky! Even the ruble has appreciated against the dollar! "Take my dollar, please!"

Sad Clown factor: Unfortunately for Europe, the strength of the Euro only means further economic stagnation, higher unemployment, and more impossible-to-sell overpriced goods from EU countries, so that les Europeens sont tres pauvres. Also, 98% of Americans are too afraid to travel, so they don't even know that their dollar has collapsed, and don't care anyway.

Side-Split Score: Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown Sad Clown

16. Less is Moore

The Joke: The Academy Awards turned into America's Funniest Home Videos when Michael Moore won "Best Documentary" for Bowling for Columbine. Having just awarded Moore its highest honor for making a daring political statement, the crowd started booing loudly when Moore tried to make a statement against the Iraq war in his acceptance speech. They were all for him being daring and political, but not now, damn it! Not when people's careers are on the line! The same crowd that sat through dozens of long speeches punctuated by fake tears was suddenly enraged by Moore's 100-word denunciation of the Iraq war. Even the band got into the act, striking up its loudest tune to drown Moore out. If that bit of limousine liberal hypocrisy and cowardice wasn't funny enough, then consider America's feature writers, who drew exactly the wrong lesson from this strange moment. They concluded that a patriotic crowd objected to antiwar comments. Not at all. In fact, the Hollywood crowd is uniformly liberal. They just didn't want anyone to know it at the time.

Sad Clown factor: Here's chirpy E Online to tell what happened next: "[Steve] Martin saved the moment from turning ugly, quipping: 'It was so sweet backstage. The Teamsters are helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.' The comedian's deft sense of humor in dealing with the difficult times inside and outside the auditorium got good feedback."

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The World's Biggest (and Smallest) Crash-Test Site : From the people that brought you anti-matter

Mother Russia Wins Again : A ringside seat at the first-ever Mrs. World pageant in Russia!

Kosovo And Lakota: Russia's Golden Skullfuck Opportunity :

The Novgorod Affair : Did a blogger bring down a governor?


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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