Mankind's only alternative 4   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Feature Story January 21, 2008
The eXile Guide To European Hatred
Page 3 of 5


See the corresponding chart... Scandinavia

From the Vikings to Abba in a mere millenium-what a Waterloo it's been for these Dancing Queens! Looking back at Scandinavia's slip in the ratings could make you feel as rotten as a Swede on Christmas morning!

The sad fate of Scandinavia should be a lesson to us all in how dull and stagnant life gets when Europeans try to bottle up their genetic heritage of sheer, crazy, eternal ethnic hatred. It's not that the Skannies have lost their taste for inter-ethnic bigotry. Hell, no! Pour a beer down a Dane, say "Swede" or "Norwegian" and sit back for a spittle-punctuated rant that won't stop till the tap runs dry!

But a long course of rancid Lutheranism has made the Norse so shy of letting their wilder village hatreds run free. Only the recent entry of the three lost Baltic tribes has livened things up. And what a find the plucky Baltics were! Any European neighborhood would kill (and kill and kill) for new ethnic targets like the subhuman Latts or downright weird Lithuanians, the Unicorns of European ethnic groups.

Let's hope the new players loosen up the once-wild Baltic Conference. C'mon, Blondykes, let's see that old form back! Just hack, Baby! Just hack-n-slash...and let the Finns fall where they may! And now, to get you deepfreeze cases defrosted, is a map of the repressed hatreds you know you want to indulge!

British Isles

See the corresponding chart... British Isles

A typically lazy, drunken Irish poet said it best: "Much hatred, little room." Land is scarce but bigotry is thick as congealed porridge in the "luvverly" British Isles -- a little corner of the world that taught us all that fear, terror and genocide can be the building-blocks of a great Empire. The four tribes of this tiny archipelago have managed to colonize the whole world without departing even once from their assigned roles in an ancient abusive-family drama. England does her star turn as the quietly sadistic mum, with Scotland as the overachieving, half-mad "good son" with an unhealthy crush on mum. Ireland can be counted on to steal a few scenes as the comic-relief whipping boy, and Wales is...let's see...Wales is, er, the slut of a daughter who wandered off to...where did she go, anyway?

Try as we might, we can hardly remember a stereotype to apply to the poor old Welsh -- and in the British Isles, that's a sure sign of extinction. Without your neighbor's hatred to remind you who you are, you'd expand endlessly, dissipating into the vapors of these wretched tracts of fog.

* Note: the "shitty food" genome should be considered to apply to every square of this graph.

European Union

By Dr. Dan Higgins

The main thing about all the fucking Europeans hating each other is that it just doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, its not like there's any real fucking difference anyways -- they all dig Mickey D's and Planet Hollywood, they all drive those faggy minicars unless they can afford an SUV, there're soccer fags everywhere, and pretty much everybody that counts speaks English with a shitty accent. It's all just a fucking act.

It reminds me of how all the Phi Delts said they hated the other frats even though really we'd all party together. Everyone knew it was bullshit but you still had to keep up appearances.

What it really fucking comes down to, is that they hate each other because they aren't American enough, even though they're trying hard to be more and more like us. Look at it like this: all the frats would stop talking shit about whichever one was throwing a big fucking party with free beer. Europe's interested in America just like the frats were interested in the beer. It fucking unifies them. Only, whereas the frats would alternate who threw the keggers, no European country can be America. Like there's only one Sigma Chi, and then a whole bunch of Alpha Delt dorks.

So the fucking differences aren't even that different. Europe is just a shittier, second rate version of America. There's nothing you can find there that you can't find at a mall in the US, but there's all sorts of shit in the US you can't find in Europe. All the cities have that European look to them, all the toilets can't clean the shit off of the sides when you flush, everybody lives in a little fucking apartment with no elevator and spends tons of fucking money on shitty little cups of coffee that don't hold a candle to Starbucks. Except in price.

Another way you know it's an act is, if they fucking can't stand each other so much, why the fucking euro? I mean, do you think Americans are impressed? Quit pretending and just use the fucking dollar, don't go making some new stupid looking bills with fags whose names I can't pronounce on them.

I know there's a whole shitload of reasons for the envy. Think about it -- imagine if you had to admit that Hard Rock blows away every restaurant in your city. Wouldn't you want to live in the fucking US of A, where you can let it all hang out?

The worst thing though is that the European women all wear scarves around their fucking necks and they don't fucking put out. I mean, they make American bitches seem like target practice.

My only point is that Europeans need to fucking quit pretending like each country is unique. It's not like it's fooling any fucking body. So why the fuck do they bother? I guess that's another reason they're fucking inferior.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit

Eat's Review
Mayo and Spice : Indian food is kinda like Russian food!
Photo Essay
Photo Essay: Balakhani, Azerbaijan :



Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442