Scandinavia
See the corresponding chart... 
From the Vikings to Abba in a mere millenium-what a Waterloo it's been for these Dancing Queens! Looking back at Scandinavia's slip in the ratings could make you feel as rotten as a Swede on Christmas morning!
The sad fate of Scandinavia should be a lesson to us all in how dull and stagnant life gets when Europeans try to bottle up their genetic heritage of sheer, crazy, eternal ethnic hatred. It's not that the Skannies have lost their taste for inter-ethnic bigotry. Hell, no! Pour a beer down a Dane, say "Swede" or "Norwegian" and sit back for a spittle-punctuated rant that won't stop till the tap runs dry!
But a long course of rancid Lutheranism has made the Norse so shy of letting their wilder village hatreds run free. Only the recent entry of the three lost Baltic tribes has livened things up. And what a find the plucky Baltics were! Any European neighborhood would kill (and kill and kill) for new ethnic targets like the subhuman Latts or downright weird Lithuanians, the Unicorns of European ethnic groups.
Let's hope the new players loosen up the once-wild Baltic Conference. C'mon, Blondykes, let's see that old form back! Just hack, Baby! Just hack-n-slash...and let the Finns fall where they may! And now, to get you deepfreeze cases defrosted, is a map of the repressed hatreds you know you want to indulge!
British Isles
See the corresponding chart... 
A typically lazy, drunken Irish poet said it best: "Much hatred, little room." Land is scarce but bigotry is thick as congealed porridge in the "luvverly" British Isles -- a little corner of the world that taught us all that fear, terror and genocide can be the building-blocks of a great Empire. The four tribes of this tiny archipelago have managed to colonize the whole world without departing even once from their assigned roles in an ancient abusive-family drama. England does her star turn as the quietly sadistic mum, with Scotland as the overachieving, half-mad "good son" with an unhealthy crush on mum. Ireland can be counted on to steal a few scenes as the comic-relief whipping boy, and Wales is...let's see...Wales is, er, the slut of a daughter who wandered off to...where did she go, anyway?
Try as we might, we can hardly remember a stereotype to apply to the poor old Welsh -- and in the British Isles, that's a sure sign of extinction. Without your neighbor's hatred to remind you who you are, you'd expand endlessly, dissipating into the vapors of these wretched tracts of fog.
* Note: the "shitty food" genome should be considered to apply to every square of this graph.
European Union
By Dr. Dan Higgins
The main thing about all the fucking Europeans hating each other is that it just doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, its not like there's any real fucking difference anyways -- they all dig Mickey D's and Planet Hollywood, they all drive those faggy minicars unless they can afford an SUV, there're soccer fags everywhere, and pretty much everybody that counts speaks English with a shitty accent. It's all just a fucking act.
It reminds me of how all the Phi Delts said they hated the other frats even though really we'd all party together. Everyone knew it was bullshit but you still had to keep up appearances.
What it really fucking comes down to, is that they hate each other because they aren't American enough, even though they're trying hard to be more and more like us. Look at it like this: all the frats would stop talking shit about whichever one was throwing a big fucking party with free beer. Europe's interested in America just like the frats were interested in the beer. It fucking unifies them. Only, whereas the frats would alternate who threw the keggers, no European country can be America. Like there's only one Sigma Chi, and then a whole bunch of Alpha Delt dorks.
So the fucking differences aren't even that different. Europe is just a shittier, second rate version of America. There's nothing you can find there that you can't find at a mall in the US, but there's all sorts of shit in the US you can't find in Europe. All the cities have that European look to them, all the toilets can't clean the shit off of the sides when you flush, everybody lives in a little fucking apartment with no elevator and spends tons of fucking money on shitty little cups of coffee that don't hold a candle to Starbucks. Except in price.
Another way you know it's an act is, if they fucking can't stand each other so much, why the fucking euro? I mean, do you think Americans are impressed? Quit pretending and just use the fucking dollar, don't go making some new stupid looking bills with fags whose names I can't pronounce on them.
I know there's a whole shitload of reasons for the envy. Think about it -- imagine if you had to admit that Hard Rock blows away every restaurant in your city. Wouldn't you want to live in the fucking US of A, where you can let it all hang out?
The worst thing though is that the European women all wear scarves around their fucking necks and they don't fucking put out. I mean, they make American bitches seem like target practice.
My only point is that Europeans need to fucking quit pretending like each country is unique. It's not like it's fooling any fucking body. So why the fuck do they bother? I guess that's another reason they're fucking inferior.
Pages:
Previous 12 3 45 Next
Print Share article
|
