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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story July 1, 2005
28 Months Later
The eXile takes on the Pro War Zombies By John Dolan Browse author Email
Page 2 of 10

And, advocating the use of racial profiling:

"When there's a 100 percent chance, it ceases to be a profile -- it becomes a suspect description. They all have the same hair color, eye color. They're all males. Half of them have the name Muhammad."

Ann Coulter in a speech at Northwestern Univ. Nov. 21, 2003

Extinction Package: Oh Annie, you little fascist flirt! You can't shut up about those short, dark and hairy Middle Eastern men, can you? Why don't you just admit it: you think about them every night, after your closet-gay NeoCon "date" drops you back at the apartment so he can meet Jeff Gannon. After downing that fifth or sixth gin-and-Percocet cocktail all alone you just can't stop thinking of giving yourself utterly to a mob of writhing, grasping, throbbing Saddam clones. Well, don't worry, we'll give you your chance at happiness. Remember that scene from Apocalypse Now where a half-dozen Playboy Bunnies pop out of a chopper to tease a crowd of sex-starved GIs? You're going to be the girl in the cake when the chopper touches down in Karbala, the Shias' sacred city. We found out that that fat Imam, Sadr, has a biiiig crush on you, and his Mahdi Army guys feel the same way. Now Annie, we've gotta keep those guys with us while we deal with the goddamn Sunnis, and you're part of the deal. We, uh, sold you to them. They may carp about every bombing for a while and they might be a little rough with you at first, but Hell, you know you want it.

ZOMBIE #3: Dick Cheney

Quote: "The level of activity that we see today from a military standpoint, I think, will clearly decline. I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."

Dick Cheney, June 20, 2005 on Larry King Live

After picking up a dictionary, he later clarified:

"If you look at what the dictionary says about throes, it can still be a violent period, the throes of a revolution," he said.

Extinction Package: As Cheney points out, no matter how long the throes last, there can be only one outcome: death. The sooner the victim accepts that, the better. We've arranged for Cheney to show the nation how to face hard facts by putting him alive in a special lead-lined, titanium-plated Executive Coffin. As viewers look on, a team of professional welders will secure the lid, and Cheney will be buried under several tons of concrete. Thanks to our patented "Flatliner Screen" in-coffin TV, he'll be able to enjoy PGA tournaments and Fox News as he waits for the throes to subside. Dick may have a few quibbles as the concrete is poured, but a special morale-boosting intercom system allows our Death Counselors to reassure him: "Don't worry, Mister Vice-President, it's just those pesky throes! They'll go away once you've used up your oxygen!"

ZOMBIE #4: Ken Adelman

Quote: "I believe demolishing Hussein's military power and liberating Iraq would be a cakewalk. Let me give simple, responsible reasons: (1) It was a cakewalk last time; (2) they've become much weaker; (3) we've become much stronger; and (4) now we're playing for keeps."

--Ken Adelman, Feb 13, 2003 in the Washington Post

Extinction Package: Well, QE fuckin' D. Aristotle himself would be awed by Adelman's awesome display of classical logic. He even numbered his arguments! The man deserves a chance to take his crystal-clear intellect where it will do the most good. The eXile will put Ademlan in a toga, jam a laurel wreath on his head and send him to the Abu Ghraib cafeteria to start his own academy, enlightening his Muslim disciples on long, leisurely strolls. We've instructed the MPs to ignore any screams from Adelman after his excited pupils have dragged him back to their cells. These intellectual discussions can get pretty heated.

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Russian Quotes For Foreign Hacks : Worried About Your March 2nd Election Story?
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Diktionary : eXile word of the day
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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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