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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story July 1, 2005
28 Months Later
The eXile takes on the Pro War Zombies By John Dolan Browse author Email
Page 4 of 10

Yaron Brook, Ayn Rand Institute, on the "O'Reilly Factor,"

Dec 17, 2004

Extinction Package: Yaron, you are so right. We at the eXile Brutality Academy have identified the problem: no technique! Yarry baby, the problem is the public schools. They just don't teach bullying the way they used to. So we've arranged for you to do a series of instructional videos teaching our GIs how to brutalize these bastards better. We're sure you're a pretty tough guy, so we're going to film you brutalizing some elderly Japanese guys we rounded up. You can start any time you feel like it. Yarry? What's the matter? You're - oh my God, that Jap in the walker just broke Yarry's arm! How can that little old man throw somebody across the room like that? Call 911! Yarry? Yarry! My God, he's dead! Cut! Cut!

ZOMBIE #9: Richard Perle, neo-con guru

Quote: "If we let our vision of the world go forth and we embrace it entirely, and we don't try to piece together clever diplomacy but just wage a total war ... our children will sing great songs about us years from now."

Extinction Package: We're already working on the first verse. This is just a first draft, you understand:

Let your vision rise on high

Let your vision soar

Let your children raise the cry,

Hooray for total war!

You like it, Rich? Good, because you're going to be the opening act when Toby Keith, our headliner, takes it on the road in Iraq (see next item).

ZOMBIE #10: Toby Keith, Country Singer

Quote: "Last year when I was over there, I didn't feel like it was anything we could ever win. But this year ... four out of five of the Iraqi people would wave at the choppers (that his group flew around in). Iraqis want our great boys and girls over there. They're tasting freedom for the first time."

Toby Keith, June 22 2005, "CBS' The Early Show" commenting on

his USO tours in Aghanistan and Iraq.

Extinction Package: If you want a serious analysis of Iraq, ask a country singer who flew over the country in a helicopter. We at eXile feel that America needs to enlist its artists in the war effort, so we've commissioned Toby to write an ode to Iraqi freedom (working title: "Mmmm, Tastes So Good!"). The team at American Idol is helping Toby plan for the song's debut ("Dawg, you can't rhyme 'liberty' with 'RPG'!"). But here's the catch: the music has to be Arabic, the words Arabic, and the song has to be a mix of Quranic quotes and odes to the insurgents and Saddam Hussein. In order to help Toby get a crash-course in understanding the local culture, we're going to strap him into the back of an Iraqi taxi which has been geared up with a $10,000 stereo system, including massive sub-woofer. The car will be instructed to drive up and down the Anbar Province, where he can meet the 4 out of 5 waving Iraqis (waving what?), and he won't be able to leave the car until he's written a tune in perfect Arabic.

ZOMBIE #11: Bill O'Reilly

Quote: "And I said on my program, if - if - the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again."

Bill O'Reilly, "Good Morning America," Mar 18, 2003.

"I'm sorry."

O'Reilly, "Good Morning America," February 11, 2004,

"But then I go on "Good Morning America" yesterday and say that I'm personally sorry my analysis on WMDs before the war was wrong and I'm angry about the CIA mistake. ...Well, that's dishonest. I still believe removing Saddam was the right thing to do and that history will prove it. And there's also the possibility that WMDs will be found, so I might have to apologize for my apology. I don't mind. I still hope they find WMDs.

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From Lebanon To Iraq: We’re In Deep Shia Now :
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Field Guide To Moscow: Dolor Recto :
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911 Things To Hate About America :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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