World's Fastest Indian
What They Say: The true story of retired New Zealander Burt Munro, who in the late 60's set the world land speed record at Speed Week in Utah's Salt Lake on a rebuilt 1920 Indian motorcycle.
What We Say: Finally, an original film that isn't based on a 70's sitcom! Apparently, New Zealand has more than sheep and sponsors for Ukrainian brides. Who knew?
The Lowdown: Easy Rider meets Days of Thunder.
Best Bit: Seeing a leather-clad old guy on a motorbike in a film that's not a cheap 80s comedy.
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Saginaw Grant, Diane Ladd, Walton Goggins.
Playing: Russian threatres.
What They Say: Adam Sandler is given a universal remote control, which has the power to control everything around him. One would think that anyone with such new found abilities would use it to somehow enhance their sex lives. But not Sandler. In fact, the best he can come up with is fast forwarding past the boring parts, almost like watching a porno.
What We Say: The premise to this film is that there's nothing truly glorious about success and money. In fact, it's the moments of mundane, staid, Middle American life which make it all worthwhile. No doubt Sandler himself doesn't care about wealth or fame. I suppose that this is the type of lifestyle reinforcement message one needs to send out if you're to appeal to America's beige demographic. Makes us depressed just thinking about it. Also, makes another one of those hack film school theory statements about media and the man.
The Lowdown: Back to the Future meets Growing Pains by way of Chuck Klosterman.
Best Bit: Sandler bitch-slapping Hasselhoff.
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken, David Hasselhoff, Henry Winkler, Julie Kavner.
Playing: Theaters everywhere. Whoopteedo!
What They Say: After returning from a five-year kommandirovka, Superman discovers that his ho Louis Lane has found herself another boy toy, and humanity in general no longer regards him as they did. So, when one faces the reality of low popularity, what does one instinctively do? Yes, one wages war against a comical villain (Lex Hussein) to rally support. God bless America.
What We Say: They've tried everything to maintain morale in the US from WWII revival films, tp a remake of the Dukes of Hazzard. Now America's gone back to what it does best -- believing that a single all powerful force will set everything right just before the credits roll. Nuh-uh, folks. Don't let this soma delude you. There is no Superman.
The Lowdown: GWI meets GWII.
Best Bit: His costume reminds you of the original.
Starring: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, James Marsden.
Playing: If you're looking, please seek help