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Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Ofis Space April 20, 2007
The Daily Grind
From the morning publication to the bathtub bed.

What is it like to work in a Russian company every day? Strap on your seat belt, young expat peon, as we take you on the bumpy ride through morning, noon and night. You may think things are getting off to a slow start, but get ready - it's hard, demanding work!

Step 1: 9:00 - 9:30. Hurry to get to work on time! You have to release the morning publication. Even though you play a minimal role in the process, this is the work event of the day for your department, so you have to be there.

Step 2: 9:30 - 12:00. Your day begins as Natasha starts arguing with you about how definite and indefinite articles are used with proper nouns. You'll think she finally understood it, only to later catch her putting her original error back into the edited template right before publication. Hopefully no one will notice. Then it's off to the Xerox machine to make the morning copies. This is a task that everyone else, including The Other Expat, considers too demeaning to perform, and since you're the newest, you have to do it. Eventually you'll want some tea (or at least some water for your instant coffee), but you'll have to fill the electric teapot yourself since this is another task that is beneath everyone else. However, you'll have to wait your turn before you can actually fill up your mug with the hot water you just boiled. It may take 2-3 times filling the teapot before you actually get your tea or coffee. That nagging hangover headache still hasn't gone away yet, so you'll have to get out your work supply of aspirin and wash it down with a Coke. Every morning you'll wish there was a Starbucks around the corner, gain a deeper understanding of the phrase "zhif nadoyelo," and wonder if you have finally grasped the essence of the Russian Soul.

A sample photo from Natasha's latest trip to her dacha

Step 3: 12:00 - 1:00. At least one hour a day is devoted to forced social chaiyepitting and mandatory cowork-er photo review. This is when everyone finally has a cup of tea (thanks to you), which means we can get down to business: inter-office gossip, vacation photos, and the occasional morning birthday celebration. Even though you've never been there, you already recognize Sharm el Sheikh and Antalya from the photos alone, and you're beginning to wonder if any countries besides Egypt and Turkey even allow Russian tourists in.

Step 4: 1:00 - 2:00. Lunchtime! All of that sugar, tea and engaging conversation has really made you hungry! It's time to go to the company cafeteria, offering yet another sumptuous selection of mouth-watering Russian delicacies, such as kotleti-syurpriz stuffed with liver, giblets and beets, beet n' mayo salad and floating meat-chunk soup. Now for the age-old question: what will you drink, mors or kvasl Lunch costs 250 rubles, and you pay with your salary card -money well spent. During lunch, you will engage in mind-bogglingly tedious conversation with The Other Expat about his unhappy marriage with his Russian wife, she being in the out-of-his-league category. Nod, grunt and chew and pretend to laugh at his bad jokes. He will not notice no matter how many times you check your watch and wish there was a Taco Bell down the street. When you go to return your tray, you will be cornered by Tanya from Accounting, who has heard about you, i.e. The New Foreigner. She really wants to hang out with you. Isn't that great?

Step 5: 2:00 - 5:00. Downtime. This is the bulk of the day, and 99.9% of the year you'll have nothing to do during these hours. Use this time the way your co-workers do: surfing the Internet to get up-to-date on celebrity gossip, post on forums, maintain your personal email correspondence, blog about your totally awesome experience as an expat in Moscow, and read the online news.

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The Old Man And The Suka :

The Bums Will Always Lose :
Who Whacked Kozlov?
Who Whacked Kozlov? : An update on last year’s Central Bank murder mystery
Destricted Sucks
Destricted: But is it Porn? : Pretentious porn film gets anal-yzed


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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