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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story June 29, 2007
A Decade In Exile
Page 3 of 7

Frey, Fucked

7.JAMES FREY, disgraced author. Back in 2003, eXile editor John Dolan was the first to blast literary fraud James Frey, which led to a series of strange attack letters against Dolan.

So when Frey's next book appeared in 2005, Dolan flat-out called him a liar... and eventually was proven right. Result: Frey is the most disgraced author in modern history, and may even have to refund his millions of readers.

Nolle, Neutered

8.THOMAS NOLLE. A smalltime communications consultant who annoyed us as the symbol of vile Internet capitalist exploitation, we harassed Nolle in ways petty and criminal and played it back to the world, and this article is now #2 on Google when you type in "Thomas Nolle."

9.PETER EKMAN, former Moscow Times' neo-liberal columnist and economics teacher. In 1999, Ames apparently threatened violence against the hefty walrus-mustached Ekman in response to an attack he wrote against the eXile. The next year, The eXile published a story about how Ekman tried to seduce one of our female employees, causing both the Moscow Times to fire him, and his sugar-mommie wife to divorce him. In 2004, we wrote that Ekman assassinated President Bush in a special issue. To this day, Ekman spends his free time - which is pretty much all of his time, since no one will hire him anymore - writing letters to editors of papers that publish Ames and Taibbi's articles, and vandalizing wiki pages about The eXile and its contributors.

Hanson, Harried

10. VICTOR DAVIS HANSON, columnist and Lewis Libby mentor.

In 2005, War Nerd Gary Brecher ripped apart neocon hero Victor Davis Hanson's idiotic arguments in favor of the Iraq War. In response, Hanson published a column in the National Review accusing Brecher of having set fire to his grapevines at his ranch outside of Fresno, California.

Worst Business Decisions

1.HIRING AMERICAN WOMEN AS SALES DIRECTORS.Our first two sales directors, Americans Kara Deyerin and Nicole Mallo, hated everything about our paper, particularly our allegedly disrespectful attitudes towards American women. We ignored them, mocked their values and their spouses/lovers, and yet entrusted them with our money. Result: both furtively fled Moscow with 5-figure sums of eXile cash, and we never hired an American woman again.

2.OFFENSIVE COVERS. From the start, we started losing distribution points due to our offensive covers and photos, yet gained other points due to reader demand. Then after September 11, 2001, we published a cover showing a boss banging his secretary in the WTC just as a jet is about to crash into their office window, and the secretary cries, "It's so !" We lost about 20 distribution points and thousands of dollars in advertising. Then in 2004, we published a cover showing Putin as a Hitlerjugen midget (left) to go with our "101 Reasons Why Putin Is A Fascist" article, and lost another 20 distribution points.

3.DISSING ADVERTISERS Whereas every other publication uses its listings to make advertorial cash, we set a standard trashing everyone, including sometimes our own advertisers. Result: none of us owns a car.

4.DEATH PORN CORPSE PHOTOS. For years we published gruesome Death Porn corpse photos with zany captions. Once, a photo of a dead woman with a broom handle jammed up her vagina even caused Doug Steele to consider pulling Hungry Duck ads from our paper.

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America’s Pathetic Putin-Envy : The Fear of Falling
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Interview with James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem :
Serial Murder Interview - Russia
Interview With A Russian Serial Killer : Russia's #2 serial killer airs his views, opinions, worries...

Blurb Porn — Edward Lucas & Anne Applebaum :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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